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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, there has been an increase in adverstisements that try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys and other items. Parents often argue that these announcements are unfair. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion?

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While It is no longer news that many nations of the world have been experiencing a rise in
advertisements
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 that encourage
children
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 to indulge in snacking,
toys
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 and many other items, several
parents
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 found these unfavourable. Meanwhile, a few others may have an opposing view.
This
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 passage will juxtapose both sides with my supporting opinions.
To begin
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 with the views of the majority of
parents
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 who found these
advertisements
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 unwelcoming, there could be a few reasons for
this
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. An important one is that it gets
children
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 distracted from their studies.
In other words
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, they tend to spend more than playing with
toys
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 rather than studying.
For example
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, a recent UK survey carried out by primary school teachers in 2019, revealed that school
children
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 that have low grades are not only academically poor but
also
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 result from distractions at home spending more time with
toys
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instead
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 of practising school work.
Additionally
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, these
advertisements
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 promote the risk of obesity in
children
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. Meaning that more
children
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 consume high-calorie snacks
hence
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 tilting them towards obesity, in return, posing some of them health challenges at a tender age.
For instance
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, a recent Medscape journal shows that several school-age
children
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 with obesity challenges were found to be an outcome of poor diet habits
hence
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 leading to even more deeming effects on the other aspect of their lives.
On the contrary
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, some other
parents
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 have a positive view of it. A cogent one is that
such
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advertisements
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 help several companies to make profits from their products.
That is
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, it promotes their sales thereby making them amass a good financial reward. In 2019, the Coca-Cola company were able to make its highest yearly profit ever due to the level of social marking done.
Furthermore
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, another set of
parents
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 found
this
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 as a good way to distract
children
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 from crying and engage them at home. They found out that, not only that
children
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 love toying, but it has
also
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 been a way of engaging and preventing them from disturbing their
parents
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 at home. On the Twitter app, many mothers aired their opinions on how they have successfully stopped their
children
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 from crying through the use of
toys
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. In conclusion, in my opinion, I think both views are valid depending on how each parent sees them. While its detrimental effects cannot be discarded, their values cannot be as well underplayed.
However
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, parental decisions on which will be favourable to their
children
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 will go a long way in the positive use of these
advertisements
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.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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