IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Environmental damage is the problem of most countries. What factors damage the environment and who should take responsibility?

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It is true that environmental deterioration is one of the major issues facing several nations.
While
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 there are various reasons for the damage, humanity should be responsible
to address
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for addressing
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this
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 situation by taking some efficient measures. There are two main causes of global damage, overpopulation and atmospheric pollution.
Firstly
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, there is a rapid growth of world population in these times, which leads to local residents overusing the land and deforestation.
As a result
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, it would put creatures, including both animals and plants, at risk of extinction.
For example
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, Formosa bears are endangered in Taiwan because of the destruction of habitats by citizens. What is more, increasing numbers of the population can trigger air pollution owing to the use of automobiles,
such
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 as private vehicles or motorcycles,
relying
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which rely
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 on burning fossil fuel or oil which produces lots of carbon dioxide.
Therefore
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, these factors indeed bring about the loss of some species and greenhouse gas emissions to damage our planet.
However
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, a few alternatives which may conquer
this
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 difficulty and enhance the environment are to reinforce public transport and restrict the use of land. To illustrate, if people take more buses rather than driving their cars, it would cut carbon dioxide emissions.
Moreover
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, the government can call for restricting the available areas to the folks, in order to reduce overexploitation.
For instance
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, the conservation of forests can balance the biosphere and
avoid
Verb problem
prevent
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 animals
to
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from
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be
Verb problem
becoming
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 extinct. In conclusion, despite the fact that increasing the number of people and destruction of habitats by residents results in negative impacts on the earth, mankind can take a number of methods, namely using more public transport and conservation of specific areas , to take responsibility for the problems they generated.

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task response
It is important to fully address the task prompt in terms of discussing factors that damage the environment and assigning responsibility. Ensure that the essay covers all aspects of the given topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, there should be more explicit links between ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall coherence.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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