IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that government should spend more money taking care of elderly people while others think that government spending should be spent more on the education of young people. Discuss both views and give opinion

#people #government #money #care #education
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It has been argued between backup elderly
people
Use synonyms
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
's
education
Use synonyms
. Both of these will be beneficial
only
Change preposition
to only
show examples
some
Change preposition
to some
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 groups of
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we should
considering
Change the verb form
consider
be considering
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about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 very
careful
Replace the word
carefully
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will address both sides of the discussion and provide a final opinion at the end. There are several numbers of young adults who aren't able to accomplish their dreams due to their financial problems. The solution for the government to solve
this
Linking Words
 is handing a scholarship to all students.
Therefore
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, they will have a chance to complete the task of their life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the younger generation is key to the success of each country, if the
education
Use synonyms
 does not have good quality,
then
Linking Words
 the futuristic of
particular
Add an article
the particular
a particular
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 nation may have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
negative consequences. On the other sides,
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 elderly
people
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 maintain happiness
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
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. Due to
Correct your spelling
elderly
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
Use synonyms
have
Wrong verb form
having
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variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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medical
Change preposition
of medical
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 which
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
 them to
past
Correct your spelling
pass
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 away too soon, the rest of the members
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the family will
suffering
Change the verb form
suffer
be suffering
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 from sadness.
Nevertheless
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,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can
funding
Wrong verb form
fund
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 money
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 which can help
extended
Change the form of the verb
extend
show examples
 their lifespan, so they can stay with their loved ones longer. In conclusion,
education
Use synonyms
 will increase the chance for an individual country to upgrade their economy.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will have more joy if they could have more time to stay with their
loves
Replace the word
loved
show examples
 one. Personally, I believe the government should focus on
education
Use synonyms
first
Linking Words
 and
Correct your spelling
elderly
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
Use synonyms
 can be the
second
Linking Words
 main responsibility.
Submitted by clint.youngchim on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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