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Band 3

Some people say that government should spend more money taking care of elderly people while others think that government spending should be spent more on the education of young people. Discuss both views and give opinion

#people #government #money #care #education
It has been argued between backup elderly
people
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 young
people
's
education
. Both of these will be beneficial
only
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to only
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some
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to some
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 groups of
people
.
Therefore
, we should
considering
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consider
be considering
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about
Change preposition
apply
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this
 very
careful
Replace the word
carefully
show examples
.
This
 essay will address both sides of the discussion and provide a final opinion at the end. There are several numbers of young adults who aren't able to accomplish their dreams due to their financial problems. The solution for the government to solve
this
 is handing a scholarship to all students.
Therefore
, they will have a chance to complete the task of their life.
Furthermore
, the younger generation is key to the success of each country, if the
education
 does not have good quality,
then
 the futuristic of
particular
Add an article
the particular
a particular
show examples
 nation may have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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negative consequences. On the other sides,
support
Wrong verb form
supporting
show examples
 elderly
people
 can
also
 maintain happiness
to
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in
show examples
 the
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
. Due to
Correct your spelling
elderly
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
medical
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of medical
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 which
cause
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causes
show examples
 them to
past
Correct your spelling
pass
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 away too soon, the rest of the members
in
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of
show examples
 the family will
suffering
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suffer
be suffering
show examples
 from sadness.
Nevertheless
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can
funding
Wrong verb form
fund
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 money
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 which can help
extended
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extend
show examples
 their lifespan, so they can stay with their loved ones longer. In conclusion,
education
 will increase the chance for an individual country to upgrade their economy.
However
,
people
 will have more joy if they could have more time to stay with their
loves
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loved
show examples
 one. Personally, I believe the government should focus on
education
first
 and
Correct your spelling
elderly
eldery
Correct your spelling
elderly
people
 can be the
second
 main responsibility.
Submitted by clint.youngchim on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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