Sales companies often try to recruit people who are motivated by money, as they believe that it will make them work harder. do you believe people are motivated to work hard by money and what other factors should be considered when searching for new sales staff?

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Sales companies try many times to hire
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who are motivated by money because they believe it will make them work harder. Deep in my heart,
i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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do not believe
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

statement. Perhaps
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

true
Add a missing verb
is true

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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in some way but not most of it. There are several
argument
Change to a plural noun
arguments

The singular countable noun argument follows the quantifier several, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

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for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

reason and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

i
Change the capitalization
I

The pronoun I should always be capitalized.

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will try to list the factors needed when searching
new
Change preposition
for new

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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sales
staff
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Linking Words
Linking Words
First
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, if we recruit
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who are motivated by money, maybe they will
highly
Add a missing verb
be highly

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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motivated at
Linking Words
Linking Words
first
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. But when they think the salary they got from the company is not worth enough with what they give, that
staff
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

won't be as motivated as before and will impact their performance in the near future.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Money-oriented
staff
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

does not put their customer experience and
Add a hyphen
after-sales
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Add a hyphen
after-sales

It appears that after sales is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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after sales
Add a hyphen
after-sales
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as their
Linking Words
Linking Words
first
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

priority,
meanwhile
Add a comma
,meanwhile

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase meanwhile. Consider adding a comma.

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they will try to acquire
Add an article
a customer
show examples
Add an article
a customer

The noun phrase customer seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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as much as possible that will end up
left
Change the form of the verb
leaving

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb left. Consider changing it.

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a bad image for the brand due to poor customer service. So
hire
Wrong verb form
hiring

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb hire. Consider changing it.

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people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who are motivated by money is a big no.
In contrast
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are several factors and
criteria
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

we can use for recruiting
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Linking Words
Use synonyms
First
Correct article usage
The first

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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Use synonyms
Use synonyms
criteria
Fix the agreement mistake
criterion

It seems that criteria may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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is honesty. Hiring honest
staff
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

makes us
do
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb do appears to be unnecessary here.

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not have to worry about their performance because we can trust them in their work despite
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the salary they get.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
criteria
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
Change the verb form
are

The singular verb is does not appear to agree with the plural subject criteria. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to search
someone
Change preposition
for someone

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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who has
Correct your spelling
integrity
Correct your spelling
integrity

If you don’t want intergrity to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

intergrity
Correct your spelling
integrity
, someone who
walk
Change the verb form
walks

The verb walk does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the talk. If we can get that kind of
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person

It seems that people may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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we do not have to worry because they will do exactly as
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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they say.
Last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

but not least is
search
Fix the infinitive
to search

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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someone
Change preposition
for someone

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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with high responsibility, with
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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factors we can get
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who
responsible
Add a missing verb
are responsible

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their work and won't
left
Change the verb form
leave
be left

The verb left after the modal verb won't does not appear to be in the correct form. Consider changing the verb form.

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their job undone. If we can get
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
new
staff
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

with these
Correct your spelling
criteria
Correct your spelling
criteria

If you don’t want criterias to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

criterias
Correct your spelling
criteria
, rest assured the companies will grow bigger and larger in no time. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion

If you don’t want conlusion to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, hiring new
staff
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need certain
criteria
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which can make the companies better in the long term. Not just money-oriented
staff
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who increase revenue in the short term. Search
staff
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who have honesty, responsibility and integrity just so the company can grow.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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