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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that secondary school children should study international news as a subject. Others say that this is wasting time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #school #children #study #news #time
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In
this
 modern day and age, the
world
 is constantly changing and updating. As
such
, some believe that
students
 between the ages of 11 to 18 should be made to study global
news
. Not everyone is on the same page,
however
; opponents say
this
 is merely wasting their children's time.
This
 essay shall explore both sides of the argument and stand for the former. On one hand, it is undeniably important to know what is going on in the
world
, even for
students
. By studying international events, they learn about the outside
world
's developments and problems alike.
This
 not only enriches their knowledge
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 builds a sense of empathy and care by providing pupils with an extra point of view. Let's take the current Israel and Gaza conflict as an example. Amidst all the bloodshed,
students
 would be exposed to both sides' points of view and realize that civilians are the ones who suffer the most.
On the other hand
, normal academic subjects are
also
 vital to children's development. Math, Literature, Science, etc...
such
 subjects serve as foundational knowledge which pupils could build upon when pursuing higher education or actual jobs.
Due to
this
, a lot of
students
' hands are already full.
Thus
, their parents want them to put their undivided attention on their academics
instead
 of studying extra things like international
news
. As seen by the evidence stated above, both sides have many valid points for contention.
Students
 still need to learn about the outside
world
, but it is
also
 important to keep their well-being in check.
Therefore
, I propose that international
news
 be made into an extracurricular subject with a flexible schedule.
This
 means
students
 could easily fit the subject into their timetables, eliminating the previously stated concern.
Overall
, international
news
 is undoubtedly one of the things secondary school
students
 need to learn. Yet, some people want their children to fully focus on school subjects
instead
 of wasting time on what they think are "extra things". To
this
 end, principals and teachers shall take into their own hands the matter of implementing
such
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 into the curriculum without adding too much burden to pupils.

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clear comprehensive ideas
Try to develop the ideas in each paragraph a bit more to provide a clearer and more comprehensive discussion of the topic.
relevant specific examples
Consider addressing potential counterarguments more thoroughly to show a deeper understanding of the topic and to strengthen your position.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and help frame the essay effectively.
complete response
The essay addresses both views with relevant examples, making a complete response to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • broaden horizons
  • cultures
  • global issues
  • critical thinking
  • engaged citizens
  • activism
  • interconnected
  • curriculum
  • workloads
  • bias
  • core subjects
  • career prospects
  • informed
  • global citizens
What to do next:
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