Some countries spend a lot of money preparing competitors to take part in major competitions such as Olympic Games or football World Cup. Some people say that it would be better to spend this money encouraging children to take up sports from a young age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #money #competitors #part #competitions #olympic #games #football #world #cup #people #children #sports #age

It is a controversial issue whether

government

funding should spend on nurturing professional

athletes

or encouraging

children

to play

sports

from a young age. As far as I am concerned, I tend to believe funding should be contributed

Change preposition

show examples

advocating for more

children

to join

sports

from a young age. On the one hand, many people hold a

view

that

government

should put more funding into the preparation of professional

players

. The main reason for

this

view

is that

athletes

who represent the

nation

to participate in worldwide competitions are those professional

players

who have already

practiced

Change the spelling

practised

show examples

certain types of

sports

for many years. It is reasonable for

government

constantly invest in them so as to increase their chance to be champions in major competitions. Another reason for

this

view

that top

Change the determiner

that top player

those top players

show examples

players

are representations of a

nation

. If an athlete wins a prize in a big competition, not only

this

player can benefit from it but

also

the

nation

can gain fame and fortune.

On the other hand

. I tend to support the

view

that spending more money on encouraging

children

to participate in

sports

which

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can benefit the whole of society.

Firstly

, it is commonly believed that

children

are the future of a

nation

. If more money spends on encouraging

children

to play

sports

, potential

sports

superstars will be more likely to be dug out, which cultivates the competitiveness of a

nation

Secondly

, it is

also

beneficial for

children

themselves to participate in different

sports

, even though they would probably be not suitable to become a professional

player

Fix the agreement mistake

players

show examples

. As they can be provided

Add the preposition

with a

show examples

way to relax their body and mind as well as interact with their peers, which is vital in their life.

Finally

, it is a disputable fact that

government

will be more likely to experience financial burden if they focus more on funding professional

athletes

. As is widely accepted, it is

Correct article usage

the governments

show examples

Change noun form

governments'

government's

show examples

governments

Fix the agreement mistake

government

show examples

and nations’ responsibility to give monthly or yearly pay for professional

athletes

However

, their salary is usually much higher than other positions and the

government

budget is limited, especially those

less-developed

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in less-developed

show examples

countries. To sum up, it is

nevertheless

to say that funding professional

players

Change the verb form

are

show examples

a must,

However

Fix capitalization

however

show examples

, more financial investment in encouraging kids to play

sports

will have a prolonged effect

for

Change preposition

show examples

the whole

nation

Submitted by yawenou07089 on Wed Dec 07 2022

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

384 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Fully explain your ideas

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