IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantage of charging people for admission to museums outweigh/outnumber the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #advantage #people
There are a big number of museums that receive money to let people visit them, on the other ,hand some are totally admission free. In my ,opinion
although
 there may be some drawbacks
such
 as losing some followers, the benefits like more public appreciation
themoutnumber
Correct your spelling
them outnumber
.
First
 and foremost, when audiences are supposed to pay for entrance into public artifice places, it will have so many wonderful outcomes,
such
 as they pay more attention to the artworks due to the fact that they were made to pay in order to
themsee
Correct your spelling
them see
.
Therefore
, they understand their value of them. It has been proved when you put invaluable art in front of everyone’s eyes, they do not tend to care about it, like the time when well-recognized violin player Antonio Sevrogin played at the metro station, no one even noticed how amazing he was playing but the same passengers would buy tickets to his concert. So, when money is expended, the real worthiness is more appreciated. The most significant issue about
this
 idea is that it makes
artworks
Fix the agreement mistake
artwork
show examples
 only a privilege for specific parts of society and makes them luxury things, which is terribly awful since art belongs from pole to pole and there is no denying the fact that all parts of society whether poor or rich should be able to indulge themselves in it.
In addition
, artistic intelligence should not have to do anything with money.
For example
, a friend of mine called Sara who was so passionate about deadpan photography was not able to afford a MOCA ticket,
therefore
 she became too sad that she changed her photography genre. To conclude, I discussed the most important advantage and disadvantages of
this
 topic which were making people appreciate the preciousness of artworks
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and talking about the fact that it does not belong to only the wealthy groups of society.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: