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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that city planners should plant more trees, while others thing they should build new houses Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a debate over what should be more in
cities
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, with some saying we need more
trees
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 and others arguing that
houses
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 should be built more.
While
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 it is necessary to construct apartments because of the growth of the population, I strongly believe green spaces should be increased. Advocates of building additional
houses
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 argue that it might be one of
solutions
Correct article usage
the solutions
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 to the expansion of the population in
cities
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. Nowadays, a large number of people are moving from rural areas to urban areas
due to
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 opportunities to study, work and
medicine
Verb problem
pursue medicine
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.
For example
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, the United Kingdom, a city which offers many things to live, estimated shortage of housing of about 6,5 million homes.
Additionally
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, not only the UK witnessed a housing shortage, but other countries are
also
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 suffering from it, including Germany and Switzerland.
Therefore
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, building more
houses
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 is beneficial for
cities
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 and society.
On the other hand
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, there are valid reasons why
cities
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 should plant more
trees
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. First of all, it has been proven that
trees
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 absorb carbon dioxide and release oxygen, improving the air quality. In some countries, people are struggling with a lot of
health
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 issues,
such
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 as asthma, which is caused by air pollution.
Secondly
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, planting
trees
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 plays a crucial role in people’s lives, as it has
also
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beenalso
Correct your spelling
been
 proven that it is helpful for their mental
health
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. When people merely look at
trees
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 or spend time in greenery can reduce their stress and improve their mood.
Thus
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, planting
trees
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 is essential for both the environment and mental
health
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. In conclusion,
although
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 constructing more
houses
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 in
cities
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 is reasonable, I think planting more
trees
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 is significant because of people’s mental
health
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 and the environment.

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grammar
Fix small mistakes that slow reading, like 'a city' for a country and wrong facts.
development
Make each idea clear with a simple line in every paragraph and use one clear example each time.
style
Use correct punctuation and shorter sentences to help the reader.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides and states a clear view.
structure
Good use of simple linkers such as 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion'.
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