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Writing Samples
Band 5

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children’s future. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#parents #opportunities #children #people #schools #skills #range #subjects #children’s #future
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A few individuals believe that governments ought to add some curriculum in order to teach
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
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some
skills
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, while another group of people think that teaching
children
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 with
variety
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a variety
show examples
 of
subjects
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 can be much more beneficial for their future
life
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. In my opinion, teaching
children
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some
skills
Use synonyms
 can be important for
children
Use synonyms
's future. For most, teaching
children
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with
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apply
show examples
some important
subjects
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 can be
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the success
a success
show examples
success
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successful
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of
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in
show examples
youngsters
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youngsters'
youngster's
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 upcoming
life
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. In most
of
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apply
show examples
schools
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the schools
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, teachers
giving
Wrong verb form
give
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 overwhelmingly lot
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knowledge
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of knowledge
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for
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to
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 students with some necessary
subjects
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 like mathematics, mother language, foreign languages and geography, and they are growing up with too much background
knowledge
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 which can be vital for every job or study.
Correct your spelling
Moreover
Mower
Morewer
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, students are able to work with
high
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a high
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 salary whatever they wanted
job
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the job
a job
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, they will
able
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be able
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 to retire with
good
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a good
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 pension which will be enough for
enjoyable
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enjoying
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life
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 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good moment
of
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in
show examples
 their
life
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.
However
Linking Words
, I believe  that giving
knowledge
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 about some vital
skills
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manage
Wrong verb form
managed
show examples
 to be key for
children
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’s impending
life
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.
In almost
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Almost
show examples
 all country has a wide range of jobs which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
demand some
skills
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 from people who want to work in one of these jobs. A good example is that people may work as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer
programmer
Fix the agreement mistake
programmers
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 even if they do not study
in
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at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
on
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in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 field.
Thus
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
add some necessary
skills
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 which can be interesting for students,
then
Linking Words
 they will able to be up-and-coming individuals duration of their
life
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 with the help of these
skills
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. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of advantages of teaching a wide range of
subjects
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, I feel that giving
knowledge
Use synonyms
 about
skills
Use synonyms
 can be far more worthwhile for
humans
Change noun form
humans'
human's
show examples
 future
life
Use synonyms
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Practical skills
  • Financial literacy
  • Cognitive development
  • Critical thinking
  • Well-rounded education
  • Independence
  • Real-life situations
  • Cognitive development
  • Broader understanding
  • Ideal education system
What to do next:
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