some people believe that Pop stars certainly earn their money. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #pop #stars #money

this

time, more and more

people

are attracted by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

celebrities

. They purchase their products and other expensive things and waste their

compalsation

Correct your spelling

compensation

Also

Add a comma

,Also

show examples

some

people

consider that music and other famous

people

Correct your spelling

started

strated

Correct your spelling

started

to earn more

money

. I agree with

this

statement and the reasons

Change preposition

for

show examples

my agreement are explained in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with,

audience

Add an article

the audience

show examples

are

Change the verb form

show examples

more showing

interset

Correct your spelling

interest

show examples

towards

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

well known

Add a hyphen

well-known

show examples

persons

Replace the word

people

show examples

.when

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

celebrities

do some advertisement or wear branded clothes so locals

also

think that my

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

person

wear

Change the verb form

wears

show examples

that so

Change the capitalization

show examples

should

also

buy that.

thus

the sales of products

goes

Change the verb form

show examples

high and the demand

Change preposition

for

show examples

celebrities

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

high.

Correct your spelling

That's

That

That is

Thats

Correct your spelling

That's

show examples

why the organisers spend more

money

towards

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

celebrities

For example

, in

this

Correct your spelling

modern

mordern

Correct your spelling

modern

era,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

kpop

Correct your spelling

pop

idols are earning more

money

because crowds are following them,

also

purchase

Wrong verb form

purchasing

show examples

their products and whenever they post on youtube about their music so the public is streaming to

the

Remove the article

apply

show examples

all platforms and increasing their views.

Therefore

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Correct your spelling

pop

kpop

Correct your spelling

K-pop

idols are gaining much more popularity and remuneration.

Furthermore

, After the

pandemic

Add a comma

,pandemic

show examples

the citizens are

Correct your spelling

loving

loveing

Correct your spelling

loving

more pop stars. Even they

also

collect

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

money

for concerts

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and buy lightsticks. On social platforms more are more youngsters are streaming the songs like Spotify, YouTube and other

Correct your spelling

fields

files

fileds

Correct your spelling

films

. So

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

famous

people

collect more

money

with the use of

this

context.

On the other hand

, youngsters should stop

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

the

Correct your spelling

them

show examples

wasting their time on

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

Correct your spelling

application

applications

applucations

Correct your spelling

applications

and other

thingsthings

Correct your spelling

things things

. Youth should focus on their study rather than

this things

Change the determiner

this thing

these things

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because some

celebrities

are not even saw

Change the verb form

do not even saw

show examples

the efforts

who

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can do for them. To conclude, it is good

things

Fix the agreement mistake

thing

show examples

to pop

starts

Correct your spelling

stars

show examples

earn

Wrong verb form

earning

show examples

money

however

Add a comma

,however

show examples

they should

also

contribute the

money

towards

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. So more

people

are liking them.

Submitted by shafvanmalek13 on Wed Dec 07 2022

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
54Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

291 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many individuals believe that music serves as an effective means of uniting people from diverse cultures and age groups. I absolutely agree with this view because music is a universal language and provides social connection.
5.5
band
Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
Monitoring people's activities through electronic devices such as mobile phones and cameras is a growing practice in society recently. However, some people have issues with unnoticeable supervision which makes them unaware and even anxious. I will elaborate on the advantages of keeping the practices going instead of focusing on the setbacks through several reasons.
6.5
band
Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, urban cities are facing a massive challenge; the increasing population in the city, which has caused traffic and housing problems. In today’s society, these issues are a subject of ongoing debate. While some argue that relocating big companies, factories, and their staff to a rural area will cost a lot, however, I believe it would be the most effective answer. This essay will examine the benefits in the long term, such as less traffic congestion in cities, helping employees to alleviate housing problems and stimulating economic development in rural areas.
6
band
In our technological world, the number of new inventions has been increasing. Please make an example with its impact on our life, and explain if it is beneficial or detrimental.
The impact of inventions has sparked major controversy in society. While some people believe that the number of new inventions has been increasing might bring several advantages. This essay will elaborate on both sides of the debate and thus lead to a logical conclusion.
7
band
the map shows developments, which took place in the bookstore between 2000 and now.
This graph illustrates that the bookstore has been developed since 2000. Overall, a lot of facilities are built nowadays, while some rooms were eliminated and replaced. On the other hand, several areas have remained in this period.

some people believe that Pop stars certainly earn their money. Do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Traffic and housing problems could be solved by moving large companies, factories and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree?

In our technological world, the number of new inventions has been increasing. Please make an example with its impact on our life, and explain if it is beneficial or detrimental.

the map shows developments, which took place in the bookstore between 2000 and now.