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Band 4.5

Some people think new homes need to be built with private outdoor space such as a garden, yard, or balcony. Do you think this is more advantageous or more disadvantageous?

#people #homes #space #garden #yard #balcony
A few individuals believe that new contracting houses have to build with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own open space like a garden,
yard
 or
balcony
. Clearly,
this
 approach can have a hugely positive effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 people’s entertainment, but it can
also
 backfire. The two main advantages of constructing new homes with outdoor spaces are these
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 can be entertainment
spot
Fix the agreement mistake
spots
show examples
 for
children
 and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
 the perfect condition for
home owners
Correct your spelling
homeowners
show examples
 to relax
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the open space.
Firstly
, if homes
built
Add a missing verb
are built
show examples
 with
Correct article usage
a garden
show examples
garden
Fix the agreement mistake
gardens
show examples
 or
yard
Fix the agreement mistake
yards
show examples
, young kids have a chance to play some interesting games with himself or
herself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
friends and it can give
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
enjoyable
Correct article usage
an enjoyable
show examples
 feeling for
children
.
Secondly
, some houses building with gardens or yards and it
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 the chance of relaxing in the open space with fresh air
particular
Change the word
particularly
show examples
 in the evening. Owners of
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
 are able to look
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the millions of stars by lying  down on the
grasses
Fix the agreement mistake
grass
show examples
 and it may be one of the good days of
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 or
him
Change the pronoun
his
show examples
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
.
However
, there are
also
 some major disadvantages of building houses with
balcony
Fix the agreement mistake
balconies
show examples
 or yards like
fall
Wrong verb form
falling
show examples
 down from
balcony
Add an article
the balcony
a balcony
show examples
 and
break
Wrong verb form
breaking
show examples
 their legs or hands
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
yard
. Many
children
 had
fell
Change the verb form
fallen
show examples
 down from
balcony
Correct article usage
the balcony
show examples
 until now according to statistics, because while young kids playing games on the
second
 floor of the house and some accidents had been observed on the
children
 just same as
fall
Wrong verb form
falling
show examples
 down from
balcony
Add an article
the balcony
a balcony
show examples
.
Morewer
Correct your spelling
Moreover
Mower
, some people not only
children
 but
also
 elderly people had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tumbled
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the
yard
 and
this
 caused
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
broke
Change the form of the verb
break
show examples
 their legs, but
some
Change preposition
on some
show examples
 occasion broke their hands. To conclude,  
although
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of disadvantages of constructing homes with
garden
Fix the agreement mistake
gardens
show examples
 or
balcony
 like break people’s both
foots
Correct your spelling
feet
show examples
 and hands,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it has an extremely positive impact to enjoy
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nature with the pure air and looking
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
stars
Correct article usage
the stars
show examples
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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