Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongest all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. DO YOU THINK THAT THE ADVANTAGES OF SOCIAL MEDIA OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

#media #amongest #age #groups #information #websites #risks

Using social

media

to share lifestyles seems like a modern trend worldwide. The nation, especially the young generation, uses social

media

a lot. Sharing is good, but

also

very dangerous to expose personal pieces of information to the world. There are lots of precedents that the nation is in danger because of information leakages. In my opinion,

although

there are some risks, the community can gain more from it. Indeed, social

media

is a double-edged sword. If the community can use it in a good way, there are lots of things they can get.

First,

the information we can get has never been so much. People can get almost what they want from the network, particularly the different perspectives of the world.

For example

, it is easy for the community to gain opinions against the same topic from all kinds of countries. It helps people think broader and more comprehensively.

Second,

it is easier to express emotional thoughts online than in real life, especially for introverted persons. A person can share confusions and difficulties anonymously, which can lighten the pressure and stress.

Finally

, the internet can

also

help in real life. The connections between societies have declined in the

last

decades.

Hence

network can be a tool to reconnect with the public, and online chatting may turn into a face-to-face talking underline. And the authority can do more to control and monitor online behaviours. On the one hand, people will share more thoughts when they feel safe enough. In a digital world, most normal folk cannot protect themselves and their info.

Hence

, it is important to make sure the environment online is safe and increase the protection against vital info.

On the other hand

, it is

also

very critical for governments to let the public be aware of potential dangers. When the popular consciously surf on the internet, the probability they get in trouble will decrease. In conclusion, I think social

media

can bring more advantages than disadvantages to society. Using it wisely and consciously, governments should set up more rules.

Submitted by jiang.xintong.1997.10.23 on Thu Dec 08 2022

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task response

Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of social media. However, the argumentation is not fully developed and lacks critical analysis of the risks and benefits.

coherence cohesion

Coherence and Cohesion: The essay shows a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported and the ideas are connected cohesively. However, the essay would benefit from more specific examples and a stronger connection between the arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

341 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongest all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. DO YOU THINK THAT THE ADVANTAGES OF SOCIAL MEDIA OUTWEIGH THE DISADVANTAGES?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Lots of people are throwing away food, what are the reasons for this and how can food wastage is reduced?

These days many people are showing interest in organic farming as a method of production. What are the advantages and disadvantages of organic farming?