IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. This has more advantages or disadvantages

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities
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In the modern era , it is not unusual or uncommon that
people
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 have to allocate more
time
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 to their
work
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instead
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 to their interests. These days you will not become a successful person if you do not try a lot .
Therefore
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 , I would like to
work
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 more than the usual
time
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 which others do .
However
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 , some
people
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 think they may become isolated in society if they do hard
work
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 but I believe if you have a timetable and manage your schedule it will not happen .
In other words
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,
people
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 prefer to leave their
work
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 sooner and spend more
time
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 with their parents and in society but it would not happen if they did not save enough
money
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.
As a result
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 , I think it might be better if they
work
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 long hours and make more
money
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 so it should help them to have more choices for their leisure
time
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 they can have a house with a gym and their personal trainer
instead
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 of going to the gym or they can invite their friends in their homes after
work
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instead
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 of going to a coffee or a restaurant and
also
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 they can have a luxurious foreign trip once a year
instead
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 of going to the same place in their country .
On the other hand
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 , if they do not manage their
time
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 and just make
money
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 without any hobbies and rest they may become depressed and hopeless . I think we do
work
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 and make
money
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 for a better quality of life but it would not valuable if you were not a happy person .
For example
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 ,
people
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 do hard
work
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 to save more
money
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 but they may miss their family and friends. In conclusion ,
people
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 might have a better lifestyle if they effort and make more wages .
Submitted by Nedjoo on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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