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Band 7.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. This has more advantages or disadvantages

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities
In the modern era , it is not unusual or uncommon that
people
 have to allocate more
time
 to their
work
instead
 to their interests. These days you will not become a successful person if you do not try a lot .
Therefore
 , I would like to
work
 more than the usual
time
 which others do .
However
 , some
people
 think they may become isolated in society if they do hard
work
 but I believe if you have a timetable and manage your schedule it will not happen .
In other words
,
people
 prefer to leave their
work
 sooner and spend more
time
 with their parents and in society but it would not happen if they did not save enough
money
.
As a result
 , I think it might be better if they
work
 long hours and make more
money
 so it should help them to have more choices for their leisure
time
 they can have a house with a gym and their personal trainer
instead
 of going to the gym or they can invite their friends in their homes after
work
instead
 of going to a coffee or a restaurant and
also
 they can have a luxurious foreign trip once a year
instead
 of going to the same place in their country .
On the other hand
 , if they do not manage their
time
 and just make
money
 without any hobbies and rest they may become depressed and hopeless . I think we do
work
 and make
money
 for a better quality of life but it would not valuable if you were not a happy person .
For example
 ,
people
 do hard
work
 to save more
money
 but they may miss their family and friends. In conclusion ,
people
 might have a better lifestyle if they effort and make more wages .
Submitted by Nedjoo on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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