IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, think there are better alternative ways to reduce crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
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Imprisonment
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 is one of the most common
punishments
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 for
criminals
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 who
commits
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commit
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 crimes, some
people
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 believe giving long
prison
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sentences
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 to
prisoners
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 may help reduce the
crime
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rate
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.
However
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, some individuals
thinks
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think
show examples
 that there are better alternative
punishments
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 to help decrease the
crime
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rate
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 rather than giving longer
prison
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sentences
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. From my
aspects
Fix the agreement mistake
aspect
show examples
, I believe there are better
ways
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 to treat
criminals
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 by different
punishments
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, not by giving longer
imprisonment
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. On one side, many
people
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 believe that giving longer
imprisonment
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 may be the key
for
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to
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this
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crime
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rate
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issues
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issue
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,
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apply
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 because they
thinks
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think
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 that
Change the determiner
this punishment
these punishments
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this
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punishments
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 may act as a deterrent to
prisoners
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 since
impose
Wrong verb form
imposing
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 longer
sentences
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 will make
criminals
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 thinks about what they did and they will feel guilty and regret about their sins.
However
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,
this
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 method is not likely to work, in
the
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apply
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view of the fact that some
prisoners
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 may get used to the
prison
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 lifestyle and see the
prison
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 cell as their home, so the chances of re-offend
is
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are
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 sky-high,
this
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 lead to
would be
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would-be
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criminals
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 continue to climb the sinfulness ladder. In my view,
Im
Correct your spelling
I'm
 more likely to lean towards
to
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apply
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the
ideal
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idea
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 of different
ways
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 to treat
prisoners
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 rather than increase the
imprisonment
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 time. I believe there are more alternative solutions to treat
people
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 who
commits
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commit
show examples
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crime
Add an article
a crime
the crime
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. To kick off, we can educate
people
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how
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on how
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 tough
the
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apply
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prison
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 life is since you are more likely to become a whole different person in order to fit the
prison
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 lifestyle. The government can
also
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 helps
criminals
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 who are in between jobs can get
a
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apply
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stable job so they can become socialize and won’t have to live
under
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in
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a
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apply
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poor financial condition anymore. The government
also
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 needs to rework the
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criminals
Change noun form
criminal's
criminals'
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 filthy and unhealthy
lifestyle
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lifestyles
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 and treat them more politely and
more
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apply
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educationally, with these alternative
methods
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,methods
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 the
punishments
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 will become more effective and very likely to assists decrease the
crime
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rate
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. In summary, there are more effective
ways
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 to treat convicts to become
a
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apply
show examples
better
person
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people
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 rather
keep
Correct word choice
than keep
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 them jailed behind those bars. Giving longer
prison
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sentences
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 might be
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 deterrent for a short period of time. In order to prepare for
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long run, we should have other effective
ways
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instead
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.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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