IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people feel that entertainers (eg film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

#people #entertainers #eg #film #stars #pop #musicians #sports #money #jobs
Entertainment
Add an article
The entertainment
show examples
 industry has one of the
highest paying
Add a hyphen
highest-paying
show examples
 jobs in the
world
, and because of
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 a few
people
 have a view that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 celebrities don't deserve to be paid too much
money
. I would completely disagree with that viewpoint, as they have worked hard to get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fame and
money
 but other occupations
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 and
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 should
aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 be paid
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
amount
 of salary. Show business is tough and the success rate is extremely slim. There is
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
amount
 of competition and you need to have extraordinary skills to be successful. Entertainers work long
hours
 to perfect their skills and enhance their talent and because of that, they are paid
huge
Add an article
a huge
the huge
show examples
sum
Fix the agreement mistake
sums
show examples
 of
money
.
For example
, famous cricketer, Virat Kohli spends 8
hours
 a day training in the field and
then
 2
hours
 in the gym to make sure he can perform for his country, which is a tiresome process, and because of
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 he is the best cricketer in the
world
. So, when someone works hard to reach that top level in their field, they deserve all the fame and
money
.
However
, there are several other jobs which
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to get paid high as it makes a difference in the
world
. Teachers and researchers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
spends
Correct subject-verb agreement
spend
show examples
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of their life to make
this
world
 a better place, and due to that, they should be paid higher than their current pay.
For instance
, scientists created a vaccine for
Correct article usage
the corona
show examples
corona virus
Correct your spelling
coronavirus
show examples
 in 8 months but they did not get the deserved recognition and
money
.
People
, who work long
hours
, to improve
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 life should be paid equally to entertainers. In conclusion,
people
 in
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
show examples
 business earn a huge
amount
 of
money
, due to their talents and skills
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, the
people
 in educational and research organizations should
also
 get
equal
Add an article
an equal
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of pay for creating a difference in
common
Correct article usage
the common
show examples
 man's life.
Submitted by vimzauthority on

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