IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places?

#tourists #places #conditions #sahara #desert #antarctic #visit
In recent times, more frequently
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
travellers are visiting destinations where the situation is laborious,
for
instance
Sahara
Correct article usage
the Sahara
show examples
 Desert or the Antarctic. There are various advantages as well as side-effects
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 travelling
such
Change preposition
to such
show examples
 locations.
This
 phenomenon has its own share of advantages and drawbacks which will be discussed
further
.
to begin
 with, the primary reason why in
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
senerio
Correct your spelling
scenario
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 choose to visit
places
 that are
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
 hard is to be
risk
Add an article
a risk
show examples
taker
Fix the agreement mistake
takers
show examples
.
as a result
, it expands their horizon and more prone to take steps that let them get out of their
comfortable
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
 zone.
secondly
, they love to explore
places
 that are least visited by people. to elaborate,
such
places
 have
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 human
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
show examples
 and
hence
 they get more connected to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature.
also
, travelling to these hot spots makes people feel more motivated to expand their world and mindset.
for
instance
,
Sahara
Correct article usage
the Sahara
show examples
 Desert is the place least visited and hard to survive. not only one feels at top of the world but
also
Correct pronoun usage
one also
show examples
connect
Correct subject-verb agreement
connects
show examples
universe
Correct article usage
the universe
show examples
spritually
Correct your spelling
spiritually
. There
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
vsiting
Correct your spelling
visiting
such
Correct article usage
a destination
show examples
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
 helps to grow and expand their
comfortable
Replace the word
comfort
show examples
 level. on the other side, travelling to remort areas can have
immerse
Replace the word
immersive
show examples
 side effects. one can risk their life to
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 to that
desire
Wrong verb form
desired
show examples
 location.
for
instance
,
Antarctic
Correct article usage
the Antarctic
show examples
 is a place which is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
out of way.
also
, one can experience breathing
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with no people around to help.
moreover
, travelling to
Correct article usage
an off
show examples
off beat
Correct your spelling
offbeat
show examples
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
 can result in
difficult
Replace the word
difficulty
show examples
 for survival.
for
instance
 in
Sahara
Correct article usage
the Sahara
show examples
 desert it is hard to find food as well as shelter.
hence
, its
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 to life to travel
such
Change preposition
to such
show examples
 spots which are not explored by humans. In conclusion, travelling to
places
 which are unknown has positive as well as negative effects. advantages of travelling
such
places
 to
such
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
show examples
. expands of
horizon
Add an article
the horizon
show examples
 as well as becoming a risk taker
Submitted by rana.madhu95 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • unique ecosystems
  • sense of adventure
  • personal growth
  • indigenous cultures
  • environmental conservation
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • economically disadvantaged areas
  • physical health
  • harsh weather
  • difficult terrain
  • limited access to medical facilities
  • fragile ecosystems
  • habitat destruction
  • basic amenities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: