IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environment, such as the South Pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#scientists #tourists #travel #environment #pole #development
Nowadays, scientists and
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 have opportunities to go to far-away natural surroundings like the South Pole. It is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my opinion that the cons of
this
 possibility
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more than the pros since it has harmful impacts on the natural
environments
Fix the agreement mistake
environment
show examples
 and individual life though
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to these long-distant
places
 in terms of seeing and searching new
places
 for tourists and scientists can not be overlooked. It will be discussed in detail as follows: The primary disadvantage of going to remote natural
places
 is
inevitable
Correct article usage
the inevitable
show examples
 environmental detriment.
This
 is to say that since the untouched beauty of these areas is usually appealing to
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
, it could bring
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of visitors and artists from all over the world to visit
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their purpose. Albeit the government can hold the power to take concrete actions to control
this
 situation,
such
 journey
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 a crucial role in human manipulation
such
 as producing garbages, cutting trees, doing
experiment
Add an article
an experiment
the experiment
show examples
, and polluting air and water.
Accordingly
, wildlife would be at threat of
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
.
Secondly
, distant sites
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a hazard as well. It means that due to inadequate information people run the risk of getting hurt.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 people might get attacked by kind of animals which never be warned about.
Consequently
, with these disadvantages, positive points can be overlooked.
conversely
, it is beneficial to tourists owing to having a chance to visit somewhere they have never been before.
Besides
, in
this
 condition, scientists are capable of finding and gathering new data in person considering achievement for them. In spite of mentioned positive points, the merits are overshadowed by demerits. Overall, though tourists and
scientific
Replace the word
scientists
show examples
 can travel to remote areas to visit new
places
 and accumulate new information, detrimental effects on
such
Add an article
the such
show examples
 area and human-being life
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more important
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: