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Band 4.5

SOME PEOPLE THINK IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO SPEND MONEY ON ROADS AND MOTORWAYS THAN ON PUBLIC TRANSPORT SYSTEMS SUCH AS RAILWAYS AND TRAMS.TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE OR DISAGREE?

#people #money #roads #motorways #transport #systems #railways #trams
TO MAJORITY OF PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT
ROAD
Fix the agreement mistake
ROADS
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 AND
MOTORWAYS
 SHOULD BE INVESTED AND UPGRADED RATHER THAN
THE
Correct article usage
apply
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PUBLIC
TRANSPORTATION
 LIKE TRAMS AND RAILWAYS. I EXTEND THAT THE LATER IS MORE VITAL BECAUSE NOT ONLY THE ENVIRONMENT WILL BE IMPROVED BUT
ALSO
MOTORWAYS
 AND
ROADS
 ARE EASY TO BE DAMAGED THROUGHOUT THE SHORT PERIOD OF TIME
INITIALLY
, THE ENVIRONMENT IS MOSTLY AFFECTED BY THE
TRANSPORTATION
. THE HIGH RATE OF CARBON DIOXIDE FROM
THE
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CARS,
MOTORBIKES
Correct word choice
AND MOTORBIKES
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, … ARE
THE
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CLEAR EVIDENCE PROVING THAT THEORY. WHEN WE SPEND
MONEY
 ON RAILWAYS OR TRAMS, THERE
TWO
Add a missing verb
ARE TWO
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 TYPES
CAN
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THAT CAN
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 REDUCE
THE
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CARBON DIOXIDE
EMISSION
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EMISSIONS
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.
OTHERWISE
,
THIS
 IS THE PUBLIC
TRANSPORTATION
 WHICH
MEAN
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MEANS
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 THEY CAN REPLACE
THE
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A
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 LARGE
AMOUNT
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NUMBER
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 OF PRIVATE CARS.
FOR EXAMPLE
, IN JAPAN, ALMOST ALL THE
EMPLYEES
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EMPLOYEES
 CHOOSE
THE
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PUBLIC
TRANSPORTATION
SUCH
 AS
SUBWAY
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THE SUBWAY
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,
THE
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AND THE
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 RESULT IS
THAT IS
 ONE OG THE
CLEANLINESS
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MOST IMPORTANT
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 COUNTRIES IN THE WORLD. PUBLIC
TRANSPORTATION
 PLAY AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN THE GLOBAL DEVELOPMENT.
ADDITIONALLY
, THE
MOTORWAYS
 AND
ROADS
 ARE NOT SUSTAINABLE ENOUGH SO WHY SHOULD WE SPEND A
LOTS
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LOT
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 OF
MONEY
 ON
THERE
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THEM
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? EVERYDAY, A THOUSAND
OF
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apply
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VEHICLES MOVE AROUND THE CITY SO THE
QUALITYOF
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QUALITY OF
 THE STREETSHAVE TO BE OUTSTANDING, IF NOT,
IT
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THEY
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WILLL
Correct your spelling
WILL
WIL
 BE DAMAGED A LOT. REALISTICALLY, THE MOTORWAY AND
ROADS
 ARE THE REQUIRED FACILITIES IN
THE
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apply
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SOCIETY, BUT IF WE INVEST OUR
MONEY
 TO
BUIL
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BUILD
 RAILS, THERE WILL BE MORE BENEFITS.
FOR EXAMPLE
, VIETNAM IS THE COUNTRY WHICH
HAVE
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HAS
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 A LOT OF ROADSBUT MOSTLY NONE OF THEM ARE SMOOTH AND BEAUTIFUL. ALL THE
HIGH QUALITY
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HIGH-QUALITY
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OF
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ROADS
 IN VIETNAM ARE FROM
COOPERATION
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CORPORATIONS
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SUCH
 AS VINGROUP
, THAO
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AND THAO
 DIEN, … AS WE CAN SEE, IT IS NOT INTELLIGENT TO DO
THE
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THINGS THAT CONTAIN LOTS OF
FUND
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FUNDS
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 BUT IT’S NOT NECESSARY. IN CONCLUSION, EVEN
ROADS
 AND
MOTORWAYS
 ARE THE ESSENTIAL FACILITIES IN THE COMMUNITY
HOWEVER
 THE ADVANTAGES OF PUBLIC VEHICLES OUTWEIGH THE FORMER. SPENDING
MONEY
 ON
TRAM
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TRAMS
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 AND RAILWAYS, IS THE BEST WAY TO AVOID WASTE OF TIME AND
MONEY
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position but would benefit from more balanced arguments. Considering opposing viewpoints can enhance the depth of your essay.
task achievement
While your points are relevant, some of the supporting examples provided are not clearly explained or are repetitive. Ensure examples are detailed and varied.
coherence cohesion
Try to keep your paragraphs more focused. Each paragraph should discuss a single idea or a group of related ideas. This can improve the logical flow and structure of your essay.
coherence cohesion
There are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing in your essay. Consider more careful editing for clearer expression. Working on your grammar and sophistication of language can help improve clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Linking phrases and transitional words are used inconsistently. More effective use of cohesive devices can better connect your ideas and support the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your essay well.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and maintains a consistent position throughout, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You have made an effort to provide relevant examples to support your points.
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