IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Popular events like the football World Cup and other international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way.

#events #football #world #cup #occasions #tensions #emotions
History has proved that
people
 from each country had always been looking for
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
ways to
response
Replace the word
respond
show examples
 to their patriotic emotions. So Over different eras, various ways have been taken to show these feelings. But these days, international sporting matches are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the best occasions for
mentioned
Add an article
a mentioned
show examples
 purpose
besides
 their deep effects on improving international tensions. Obviously, no one can ignore that has no emotion about his country and traditions. Perhaps there is something in human nature which has encouraged him to show
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 his culture to other nations.
This
 tendency was one of the main reasons for many wars in the past when two nations fought each other to show their abilities and powers. But over the
last
 several decades, sporting matches
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 replaced those wars and
people
 consider their
nation
Replace the word
national
show examples
 sports
team’s
Change noun form
team
show examples
 members as their country soldiers.
In other words
,
people
 protect and encourage their national sports teams to win the match and in
this
 way, they respond to their patriotic emotions.
However
 some international sporting festivals
such
 as
football
Correct article usage
the football
show examples
 world cup have become very popular occasions to satisfy mentioned instinct,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 have had undeniable effects on international tensions.
For example
, during a football match between two nations,
people
 from other countries obtain suitable information about those cultures,
traditional
Replace the word
traditions
show examples
 and
religious
Replace the word
religions
show examples
.
Hence
, it helps governments to have a proper background from each other. So it directly affects international relations and in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cases makes a potential for countries to be more closed. I think,
therefore
,
people
 not only do pursue international sporting matches just as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment, but they are interested in them because of other aspects of a sports match which
relates
Correct subject-verb agreement
relate
show examples
 to patriotic emotion and politics.
Submitted by carlos.terapiaocupacional on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: