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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
It is argued that juvenile offenders should be given punishment as well as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
grown
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. In my opinion, to some
extent
Add a comma
,extent
show examples
 I do not agree with that.
First
 of all, anybody deserves a
second
 chance too and especially
teenages
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 who are not mature enough and lack life experience. They have to learn a lot of lessons about life through
society
, law and others.
Moreover
, I suppose that young offenders might copy the behaviour of adults.
Therefore
, I think we should have more useful punishment for them.
For instance
, we can force them to work in the community unpaid or give them to a juvenile education
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 to teach them more life skills in
society
.
On the other hand
,
however
, it is true that juvenile offenders who are really dangerous should receive heavy punishment and should be separated from
society
. Because other young people might be impacted by them.
For example
, Young mudders
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should be completely eliminated from
society
.
Furthermore
, those who are still given clemency of law may be re-offend and
this
 is dangerous for people and
society
. In conclusion, I believe that young convicts should not receive a penalty as adults do.
Submitted by timmotgiay02 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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