IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe studying in a college or university is the best way to prepare for a successful career. Other people prefer to get a job as soon as they leave school and to develop their career through work experience. Discuss both views and give your own opinio

#people #college #university #career #job #school #work #opinio
Some people argue that studying in a college or university is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good option to prepare for a successful
career
. Other people believe to acquire a job as soon as they leave school and to advance their
career
 through work experience. In my opinion, completing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
graduation is most important for our academic
career
, whereas deciding to work is only beneficial in the field of
business
. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 university education is important not only to build our
career
 path but
also
 to have a safe and
secured
Replace the word
secure
show examples
 life.
Although
 by learning a
person
 can get more knowledge about the field they are pursuing
subsequently
, they can grab a reputed job with good income. Eventually,
this
 makes a
person
 economically stable in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society so that they can lead
Add an article
a more
show examples
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
happier life.
For instance
, in metropolitan cities like
Bangalore
Add a comma
,Bangalore
show examples
 more than 90%
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
graduated
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a good institution and got a well-paid job.
On the other hand
, a
person
 can acquire more practical knowledge rather than getting
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
theoretical knowledge. Taking
for
Add the comma(s)
,for
show examples
 example, some professions like dancing, singing, painting et
cetra
Change the capitalization
Cetra
show examples
, do not require any graduation.
Moreover
, if a
person
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 a family
business
, they can take part in
those
Change the determiner
that business
those businesses
show examples
business
 after school. They do not need any degree because it might be not worthy
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their
business
. Taking into consideration of most successful entrepreneurs
that they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have not finished their studies even though; they are
richest
Change the article
the richest
show examples
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
 in the world. In conclusion,
firstly
 it will be more useful if a
person
studying
Wrong verb form
studies
show examples
 at university in order to set up their
career
.
Secondly
, if a
person
 needs to acquire only practical skills, they have
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 option to quit their
career
. From my point of view, graduation is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 important part of our life so that a
person
 can develop their skill as well as can
built
Change the form of the verb
build
show examples
 their
career
 path.
Submitted by jackjohn0590 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: