In some societies, the number of crime committed by teenager is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crime should receive adult punishment. To what extend do you agree?

#societies #crime #teenager #people #age #teenagers #adult #punishment

Increasing

Add an article

An increasing

The increasing

show examples

number

of criminal

offenses

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offences

show examples

that are carried

Change preposition

out by

show examples

teenagers

are being reported in certain communities. It is believed by some

poeple

Correct your spelling

people

that the punishment for a

crime

should be given irrespective of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

age which dictates giving

adult

punishment to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teenagers

as well. In my opinion, I completely disagree with the idea of giving

adult

punishment to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teenagers

given the trend of increasing juvenile cases in some localities. In my belief, it is not justified to generalize any observation by just taking a few

datapoints

Correct your spelling

data points

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which is the case here that shows

higher

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a higher

show examples

number

of crimes committed by

teenagers

in some communities. Various factors associated with a society

such

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apply

show examples

education index, diversity, laws pertaining to controlled substances and drugs, average per capita income, etc.

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can

also

be attributed to the increased

number

teenagers

commiting

Correct your spelling

committing

Add an article

a crime

the crime

show examples

crime

Fix the agreement mistake

crimes

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For example

, in a community with very low per

capital

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capita

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income and education index, combined with

lineant

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lenient

linear

laws for drugs, it would be likely for

teenagers

to be forced by dealers to take part in criminal activities

such

illegal

Correct article usage

the illegal

show examples

distribution of drugs. It is

also

important to take into account the severity of

adult

punishments which can negatively impact the mental and physical health of

teenagers

while

also

affecting their career prospects including employability in the long run. A young mind can still be instilled with

right

Correct article usage

the right

show examples

morals and values that will guide them in the future.

This

can be exemplified by

number

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a number

the number

show examples

of cases where penalties

such

as serving a period at a social work organization, mental rehabilitation, and psychotherapy sessions have proven to be effective for

teenagers

. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the idea of giving

adult

penalties to

teenagers

could have a huge negative effect which can worsen the juvenile

crime

statistics of certain societies. It is extremely important to understand the mindset and reasoning of a teenager who committed a

crime

to be able to prescribe a method of penalty in proportion to the

crime

This

can be one of the best sustainable

approach

Change to a plural noun

approaches

show examples

which gives a chance to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

future generations while

also

controlling the situation of

increased

Add an article

the increased

an increased

show examples

number

teenagers

who carry out

Remove the article

apply

show examples

criminal activity in certain localities.

Submitted by vimzauthority on Sat Dec 10 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

368 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In some societies, the number of crime committed by teenager is growing. Some people think that regardless of age, teenagers who commit major crime should receive adult punishment. To what extend do you agree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Some people think that the best way to stay fit is by joining a gym, while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is sufficient. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

Global warming is one of the biggest threats humans face in the 21st Century, and sea levels continue to rise at alarming rates. What problems are associated with this, and what are some possible solutions?

Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Others think that those who contribute to society like scientists and teachers are most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?