IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that developing countries need financial help from international organizations to continue their development. Some people argue that practical aid or advice is more useful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #countries #organizations #development #aid #advice
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A group of people
thought
Wrong verb form
think
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 that developing nations need to be invested by global organizations, meanwhile, others
said
Wrong verb form
say
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 that practical help and instruction are better. I consider that direct aid is needed in an underdeveloped country. First of all, financial support will
make
Verb problem
help
show examples
 developing
countries
Use synonyms
 evolve their economy, agriculture, and manufacturing. Without money, emergent states can not research solutions for a number of issues,
therefore
Linking Words
, the living standard will remain very low. The most crucial is education, it
is required
Wrong verb form
requires
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 a huge amount of cash to improve.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 research by scientists at The University of Sydney in 2016, continental Africa is lacking 100 billion dollars to deal with problems
such
Linking Words
 as freshwater, education, and farming.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that giving a large sum of money to non-experienced governments is not as effective as giving practical help. Building a sustainable economy is extremely hard in any underdeveloped country,
thus
Linking Words
, they need experts in that field to spend funds reasonably.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if developing states are assisted in correcting ways, they will become developed even though there is no large sum of cash.
For instance
Linking Words
, the organization called Help Africa has a small expense, but it still can help 30
countries
Use synonyms
 in Africa.
According to
Linking Words
 an analysis in 2019, the organization has built 200 schools and helped 100 million Africans have pure water to drink. In conclusion, financial help in underdeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
 is necessary.
However
Linking Words
, governments in developed
countries
Use synonyms
 should encourage their people to give advice and practical aid to developing states.
Submitted by namkhanh.tran2310 on

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task response
Provide a more balanced discussion of both views and their respective merits.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices such as linking words and pronouns to improve the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
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