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Band 4

Do you agree that obesity is increasing in some rich countries?

#obesity #countries
Nowadays, many
people
 are focusing on their health problems.
However
,
this
 issue not only happens to adults,
this
 happening to all of the
people
 who live in
this
 generation, no matter which country you are in. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will convince you why obesity become more serious and not just happening in wealthy countries. My primary reason,
life
Add a missing verb
is life
show examples
 is changing now and
people
 do not want to spend too much time
to
Change preposition
apply
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waiting
Change the form of the verb
wait
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 for
food
, everything needs to be fast, so
people
 will go somewhere easy to get any kind of
food
 and fast, but they usually are not good for the human body.
For instance
, hamburgers and fires
food
, they can be made very quickly with a lot of oil, but at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
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 that means you probably ate oil for the unknown that you even do not need that much.
This
 shows humans are getting exposed to
food
 obesity.
Secondly
, everyone can see so many advertisements on TV or anywhere, that’s another reason increased
people
 eat unhealthy
food
, the advertisement will not mention the negative side,
also
 in advertisements they always look good and tasty. Most
people
 are hard to reject for delicious
food
. In conclusion, I do not with
agree
Add the preposition
onagree
toagree
withagree
show examples
 obesity only increasing in rich countries, the above are two main reasons
this
 problem is happening for everyone wherever you are, rich or poor.
Submitted by jessiehuang94130 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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