IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Do you agree that obesity is increasing in some rich countries?

#obesity #countries
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Nowadays, many
people
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 are focusing on their health problems.
However
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,
this
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 issue not only happens to adults,
this
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 happening to all of the
people
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 who live in
this
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 generation, no matter which country you are in. In
this
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essay
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,essay
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 I will convince you why obesity become more serious and not just happening in wealthy countries. My primary reason,
life
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is life
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 is changing now and
people
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 do not want to spend too much time
to
Change preposition
apply
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waiting
Change the form of the verb
wait
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 for
food
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, everything needs to be fast, so
people
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 will go somewhere easy to get any kind of
food
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 and fast, but they usually are not good for the human body.
For instance
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, hamburgers and fires
food
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, they can be made very quickly with a lot of oil, but at the same
time
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,time
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 that means you probably ate oil for the unknown that you even do not need that much.
This
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 shows humans are getting exposed to
food
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 obesity.
Secondly
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, everyone can see so many advertisements on TV or anywhere, that’s another reason increased
people
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 eat unhealthy
food
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, the advertisement will not mention the negative side,
also
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 in advertisements they always look good and tasty. Most
people
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 are hard to reject for delicious
food
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. In conclusion, I do not with
agree
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onagree
toagree
withagree
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 obesity only increasing in rich countries, the above are two main reasons
this
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 problem is happening for everyone wherever you are, rich or poor.
Submitted by jessiehuang94130 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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