IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Today's society provides people with various ways to lose weight, such as special diets or exercise regimes. Many people believe though that poor food and today's lifestyle should be addressed first. What is your opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#society #people #weight #diets #exercise #regimes #food #lifestyle #first
It is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that
tourism
 gained much popularity since travelling is
earsier
Correct your spelling
easier
 and
comfortable
Correct quantifier usage
more comfortable
show examples
 nowadays. More people are exploring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every region of the globe and air
pollulation
Correct your spelling
pollution
 and other environmental effects rise up because of flights and transportation. That's why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 I don't believe that governments should tax more on
travel
Add an article
the travel
show examples
 industry to reduce the negative consequences of more travelling.  People should have
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 freedom
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to travel or not. It is not acceptable that they have to pay more just because of their trips while they are travelling only a few times per year. Travelling means
to free
Change the verb form
freeing
show examples
 some time from their
work-stress
Correct your spelling
work stress
show examples
 or everyday life.
For example
, my professor only travels
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
new country every year during Christmas
although
 he works the whole year dedicatedly. That's why
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we should not consider taxing more on
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
show examples
 industry as travelling is a reward for some people.
In addition
,
tourism
 improves the country's economy because we can tax
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign tourists for entering into
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. They will expense on our local products and public services ,and
also
intereact
Correct your spelling
interact
 with the locals which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 our culture more influential.
For instance
, Thailand's economy relies on
tourism
 around 12
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 which means
tourism
 is one of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 its economic growth.
Therefore
, it is even better to improve
tourism
 while it
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic growth. In summary, we should be more optimistic
to
Change preposition
about to
show examples
 travel business because it creates more advantages : increasing a nation's economy and as an exit from our
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
. In my opinion, we should find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternatives to tackle the pollution caused by
tourism
 rather than taxing extra.
Submitted by kriskoe77 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: