Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's modern world, money and appearance are one of the main things to be popular while achievements become less important.
Moreover
,
this
trend might be an awful instance for a new generation. I agree with
this
statement due to the fact that a huge salary becomes the main aim for
students
which is a bad habit.
This
essay will elaborate on the reasons why
this
motion is terrible. The achievements become lessness for plenty of people which has a poor effect on
education
and science. The main reason
this
community does not pay attention to how much power and energy celebrities spend to achieve their wealth.
Furthermore
, a huge part of stars does not tell about their hard way which provides
students
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
idea that social status is easy to reach. As the result, many
students
become lazier and drop their
education
which as result makes the progress of technology slower.
Besides
, appearance and wealth start to be the main purpose of youth which makes them more selfish and unhappy. On top of that, the cause of
that is
money allows people to purchase everything that makes life more comfortable and easier.
Also
,with glamour, they guess that everyone would love them and their life would be happier.
However
, many of them become more lonely due to their traits which were gained by competition for money and popularity. In conclusion,
this
trend has an awful impact on young people
such
as producing
students
with terrible habits and traits.
In addition
, that movement demonstrates a bad influence on
education
and technology since the
students
suppose that
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
high social status is lightweight and as the result, they do not spend much time on
education
.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • glamour
  • wealth
  • achievements
  • portrayed
  • overshadow
  • influenced
  • lifestyles
  • unrealistic
  • expectations
  • values
  • promoting
  • hard work
  • perseverance
  • inspire
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: