Some people think governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #governments #focus #pollution #illness #disease

It is believed that the country's administration should emphasize pollution and the shortage of houses, to improve the health of its citizens.

While

there are some who have a completely different point of view. I certainly believe that focusing on the above-cited issues can only prevent the

spread

of certain

diseases

. Admittedly, pollution variants and scarcity of homes are two major causes of serious illness.

For instance

, in developing

counties

Correct your spelling

countries

show examples

like India, underprivileged

people

are still living in slums.

Even they

Rephrase

They

show examples

don't

get

Rephrase

even get

show examples

potable water to drink or proper sanitisation facilities there. In fact, there is a completely unhygienic lifestyle.

Due to

this

, they suffer from several

diseases

such

as diarrhoea, malaria, dengue and many others.

On the other hand

, effluents emitted by large factories cause many lung issues

such

as asthma. So, some

people

believe that if the

government

remains successful in addressing these issues, the health of the inhabitants will definitely

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

improved

Wrong verb form

improve

show examples

However

, simply focusing on environmental concerns and housing conditions cannot prevent the

spread

of all

diseases

. There are several other factors which are to be considered.

Firstly

, the

government

should

spread

awareness among

people

about the benefits of having a proper and balanced diet. It will improve the immunity system of the native

people

. To epitome, the Dubia

government

gives 2 grams of gold for shedding every 2 kgs weight to all its residents.

Similarly

in every country, the

government

should open sports centres and only a minimum amount should be charged to locals.

This

could lead to a reduction in

people

suffering from diabetes and obesity. In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that giving priority to environmental pollution and housing will not prevent and cure all

diseases

. The

government

should allocate funds to

spread

awareness and open gymnastics to prevent the

spread

of viruses.

Submitted by babit.batra1992 on Mon Dec 12 2022

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coherence cohesion

While the essay addresses the prompt and presents clear and comprehensive ideas, the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly defined and developed. The logical structure is generally well-maintained, but there are areas where the connection between ideas could be more smoothly presented.

The essay addresses the topic and presents clear ideas, but the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly outlined. The essay shows a good understanding of the task, but make sure to connect ideas more coherently for a more effective response.

task achievement

The essay provides a relevant response to the question and presents clear examples to support the ideas. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more clearly defined and developed. Make sure to smoothly connect ideas for a more coherent and cohesive essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

respiratory diseases
heart conditions
incidence
affordable housing
stress
infectious diseases
preventative measures
cost-effective
healthcare infrastructure
comprehensive approach
global warming
climate change
exacerbated

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Some people think governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays as a part of education process students work at our company for short period of time without pay do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages

Nowadays on-line shopping has become more popular than in-store shopping. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.