Some feel that individuals should try to assimilate completely to the country where they live while others feel it is more important to preserve their native culture. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Culture
plays an essential role in people’s life as well as
their behavior
. It goes without saying that destination Change the spelling
behaviour
culture
would be effective on the emigrants, however
, they have their own culture
, too. Many have argued that incorporating culture
in
emigrants’ Change preposition
into
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
many
benefits, Change preposition
to many
although
in some cases, it causes culture
shock or lost
. Both sides are logical and have reasonable perspectives. Personally, I agree with both sidesReplace the word
loss
,
and more with cultural development.
From a conserving Remove the comma
apply
culture
standpoint, conforming the
Change preposition
to the
heritage
is next
Correct article usage
the next
generation
responsibility, Change noun form
generation's
which
they have to preserve their descendant’s Correct pronoun usage
apply
culture
. In terms of essentiality
of protecting, every Correct article usage
the essentiality
culture
contains lots of history and beliefs, and ignoring and paying no attention on
thatChange preposition
to
,
leads Remove the comma
apply
disappearing
Replace the word
disappearance
all
those magnificent mythologies. Change preposition
of all
For instance
, there were
numerous languages in the world, Wrong verb form
are
nonetheless
, nowadays, it has been decreasing.
On the contrary
, cultural development would be informed by emigrants, in which the majority part of it belongs to travelers
and immigrants . Change the spelling
travellers
Above all
, having an insight to
the Change preposition
into
heritage
, such
as,
languages and ceremonies, benefits Remove the comma
apply
to communicate
with citizens and Change the verb form
communicating
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
to be
Verb problem
apply
segregated
and Replace the word
segregation
isolated
. Most importantly, identifying specific local Replace the word
isolation
belief
would stop prejudice. Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
For example
, in America cousin marriage is culturally unacceptable, but it is vice versa in Iran.
To sum up
, preservation of the history and heritage
is a public duty. Conversely
, there is no harm in multiculture, and there are diversity
cultures in the world Replace the word
diverse
and
Correct word choice
apply
not to mention
that all transfer to others. As a result
, by taking account
their Change preposition
into account
heritage
, it would be pleased to have their cultural ritual as well as
yours.Submitted by TUTOO on
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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction sets a clear framework for the discussion, introducing both sides of the argument and stating your opinion.
Task Achievement
Develop your ideas fully with clear explanations or arguments to support them, and provide more specific examples to illustrate your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay by using a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively.
General
Pay attention to grammar and punctuation to ensure clarity and precision in your writing.
Task Achievement
Expand your conclusion to summarise both views and restate your opinion more emphatically.