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Band 5.5

Some people like to own the place where they live, but other people like to rent where they live. discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #place #rent
In my opinion, both views have their logical or rational causality depending on different views of points on different sides. As for me, I prefer to
rent
 a
house
 where I live, because is cheaper and more conventional somewhat. But I would explain my idea about two opposite assessments. Basically, Renting a place to live for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 short time is becoming more and more popular. The people who
rent
 a residence would never be afraid of the difficulties of moving and travelling. Afterwards, for long-term residency, renting can be
also
 worthy of consideration. If you feel bored about the place where they have been living for a long time, you can leave quickly without worrying about the problem of selling the home.
For example
, in China, more youth accept renting an apartment for a long time,
instead
 of buying .
However
, Owning a permanent dwelling would give the owner more feeling of safety. You won't be scared to be expelled by a householder for some financial issues. Having a dream
house
makes
Verb problem
gives
show examples
 you a very interesting opportunity to decorate with your own plan. You can modify or re-construct totally the whole building if you like. It is impossible for those who
rent
 a residence.
For instance
, there are some famous TV programs in Japan and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
China , which are teaching audiences how to renovate their own
house
 under the expert's advice, been got highly sought after nowadays.
That is
 a good example.
Finally
, Renting or owning a dwelling is really a private choice, but the price of an estate
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 increasing rapidly in
recent
Correct word choice
the last
show examples
 20 years, I believe more and more young people would choose to
rent
 a
house
 not buy one.
Submitted by nordenbox on

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task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument and provides your opinion, which is good. However, it can be more comprehensive. Try to delve deeper into why people might prefer renting or owning, adding more detailed examples and reasons.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your essay. Some parts seem disjointed or lack smooth transitions. Using linking phrases and clear topic sentences can help enhance the logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-presented and provide a clear overview and summary of the essay.
task achievement
You provide examples, such as mentioning the trend in China and TV programs, which helps illustrate your points.

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