IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, older people are choosing to live in retirement communities with other older people rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development?

#countries #people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
instead
Linking Words
 of elderly persons residing together with their children, they decide to live with their peers in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
retirement homes alternatively. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 is a productive outcome.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many retirement communities handle basic home maintenance issues.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if one needs someone to repair the stove, unclog a drain, or redo the roof, it is covered.
This
Linking Words
 can save them from
frustration
Correct article usage
the frustration
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 having to deal with these things by themselves when they are left alone as mostly, their children are out of the house to work. It
also
Linking Words
 means their budget will not take an unexpected hit because their furnace suddenly quit.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the situation is somewhat different if a parent has dementia or is nearing death. Cases like
this
Linking Words
 pose unique challenges of their own.
For example
Linking Words
, a parent with Alzheimer's disease cannot be expected to reason with you when it comes down to respecting house rules and participating in chores and other household duties. If a loved one is facing the end of life,
then
Linking Words
 it is very likely that
this
Linking Words
 living arrangement will be temporary yet very emotionally intense.
Thus
Linking Words
, a retirement community would be more appropriate than
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their own homes.
Lastly
Linking Words
, amongst the most obvious benefits of skilled nursing facilities is the personalized health
care
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 offered to residents. These
services
Use synonyms
 typically include regular administration of daily prescriptions, medical attention when needed, emergency medical
services
Use synonyms
, and 24-hour health monitoring
services
Use synonyms
. Having on-site medical
care
Use synonyms
 available from registered nurses and health
care
Use synonyms
 providers is crucial to a senior's safety and well-being. In conclusion, I suppose
this
Linking Words
 is indeed a progressive trend as it not only alleviates the stress of household
care
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 ensures healthier family
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 as well as
care
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by yawenou07089 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: