IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #offer #subjects #students’ #future #career #success #music #sports
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Mental and physical well-being is one of the governing factors of a successful life. Some people believe that the school syllabus includes only technical subjects which are helpful for future careers. It disagrees and
this
 essay will discuss it in detail by providing relevant reasons.
Firstly
, the art stream and sports are helpful to maintain an active lifestyle which should be accepted by everyone without any debate. The students who do involve in these streams deeply have more capacity and confidence comparing others.
For example
, most companies accept employees with medium-level education qualifications combined with sports achievements rather than only
first
-class qualified candidates.
Accordingly
, these streams should be in the school curriculum even as an optional field to keep up the community without being mechanized.
On the other hand
, it will be helpful for these physical activities as well as the arts to generate a healthy community in a country because stressless citizens with a vast capacity are an asset for a developing nation.
Furthermore
, music-related activities help to release stress and resulting the generation of non-mechanized people because the whole world is becoming mechanized increasingly due to modern technologies and sophisticated lifestyles.
Therefore
, the better way to educate these subjects is through schools
otherwise
 it might be a reason to hide forever hidden talents of students as well. To conclude, art subjects and sports provide a lot of advantages individually as well as a nation.
such
 as helping to produce active, broad-minded, high-capacity, healthy generations. people must view
this
 matter as broad-minded without seeking solutions for temporary problems
such
 as increasing the production of a process.
Submitted by jds.sampath on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: