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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many urgent problems today can only be solved through international cooperation. To what extend do you agree or disagree with the statement

#cooperation
It has been widely claimed that pressing
issues
 in the world could be fixed by solely multilateral collaboration.I disagree with the statement, and my reasons will be explained in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, It might seem reasonable for many people to argue that worldwide coordination is the only
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
solution to solving high-priority problems.
This
 is probably because they believe that developed
countries
 might be able to provide assistance to
an underdeveloped
Correct the article-noun agreement
underdeveloped countries
an underdeveloped country
show examples
countries
 on crucial
issues
such
 as healthcare.Take the coronavirus pandemic,
for example
; governments of wealthy
countries
 have been donating their vaccines to the impoverished ones
as well as
countries
 that are incapable of producing their own vaccines.From
this
 perspective,it is comprehensible why some people would have the idea that all pressing
issues
 should be handled by inviting the international community to work
collaborate
Correct word choice
and collaborate
show examples
.
However
,I personally believe that there are several fundamental problems that could not be resolved solely by the international partnership because
issues
such
 as poverty and education should be the responsibility of each state.In many
region
Change to a plural noun
regions
show examples
,
for instance
,unequal access to education
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 intermediate attention,and it should be the government’s role to manage their revenues from taxes to tackle the situation.Assuming that each nation does not utilize its own budget to improve the living conditions of its population,there would be no point in imposing taxes on its citizens.
For
this
 reason, governments should not entirely rely on international assistance to cope with their domestic affairs.
To sum up
, some believe that international cooperation is the only way to solve pressing concerns.It could be argued that several domestic
matter
Change to a plural noun
matters
show examples
 like education and public health should be managed by their ministry.
Therefore
,urgent
affair
Fix the agreement mistake
affairs
show examples
 in
countries
 can be solved not only by multinational assistance but
also
 by their own government.
Submitted by sirikarn.piam on

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task response
Address the prompt more directly and express your stance more clearly. Make sure to provide relevant examples to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are presented in a logical order and that your arguments are well-developed. Consider using transition words and cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay.
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