IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people argue that eating junk food has led to an unhealthy lifestyle. This problem has become more common among young people these days. Do you agree or disagree that junk food is the cause of the issue?

#people #junk #food #lifestyle
There are many
people
 who think that the main cause of unhealthy
lifestyle
 is
people
’s tendency to consume fast
food
, especially young
people
.
Although
 junk
food
 is partly responsible for
this
 problem, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
 there are some other reasons which are leading to
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
 way of life. I admit that fast
food
 is considered to be one of the main causes of leading
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
. It consists of excessive fats and calories which are difficult to digest and harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Add an article
the organism
show examples
organism
Fix the agreement mistake
organisms
show examples
.
Also
, it is served with fizzy drinks containing excessive amounts of sugar which can lead to weight gain.
People
 will not get enough nutrients that an average body requires when they replace healthy
food
such
 as
home-made
Correct your spelling
homemade
show examples
 soups and salads with fast
food
. Because home-prepared meals tend to be rich in vitamins necessary for the body, and not getting enough may be damaging to the body. In my view,
however
, there are some other important reasons for
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
. One of them is less exercise. Due to the advancements in technology
people
 move less than they did in the past: cars have replaced walking, machines do the laundry for
people
, lifts carry them as they feel too busy to take stairs, etc. These changes have led to
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
lifestyle
 which has become a very common problem today.
Moreover
,
people
 are getting insufficient sleep. They are overloading themselves with tasks to make their day more productive, but it is having adverse effects on
people
’s health. The harms of sleep deprivation are much
serious
Correct quantifier usage
more serious
show examples
 than they are considered to be. In conclusion, even though fast
food
 is one of the causes of
inappropriate
Correct article usage
an inappropriate
show examples
lifestyle
, I believe that there are two more serious reasons
such
 as sleep deprivation and lack of exercise.
Submitted by jefnesbit on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary habits
  • self-control
  • advertising
  • appealing
  • convenience culture
  • fast food
  • obesity rates
  • nutritional education
  • affordability
  • psychological effects
  • well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays: