Many peolpe say that the only way to guarantee getting a good job is to complete a course of university education. Others clain that it is bette to start work after school and gain experience in the worl of work. How far do you agree or disagree with the above views?

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A fair amount of the public believes that a university degree is essential to get a better job
whereas
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others say that after completing secondary school one needs to start work and get experience .
however
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,I partly agree with these statements and the reasons for my argument are mentioned in forthcoming paragraphs. one of the main reasons is that the more qualified individuals are offered higher salaries as they have upgraded skills which have enormous benefits to companies
.when
Correct your spelling
When
individuals study for particular professions like doctor ,engineer and scientist ,they will become specialized in
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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fields.
along with
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this
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,they will have advanced knowledge in these fields .through
this
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, they will discover more things
such
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as medicine ,cars and spacecrafts .
consequently
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, the prosperity of nation will increase. Discussing the latter viewpoint,the individuals
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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start working after completing school support their families .owing to
this
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, they earn some money by doing work. sometimes, the condition of certain people is not stable financially so they start working. by
this
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,they not only understand the value of money but
also
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their experience in work rise day by day.
simultaneously
Capitalize word
Simultaneously
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,they provide some assistance with their household expenditure
.
Correct your spelling
As
as a result
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, the living condition of the public will improve and
also
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their siblings and children get basic necessities of life
such
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as shelter, food and health .
to conclude
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,
although
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bachelor's and master's degrees are important for the economic prosperity of countries , a job after secondary school
also
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plays a crucial role for the underprivileged section of society which cannot be Ignored.
Submitted by ramandeepkaurkaila1 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure is not well organized, leading to confusion and lack of clarity in the overall argument. The ideas should be presented in a more coherent and cohesive manner to enhance understanding.
Task Achievement
The response provides a partial answer to the question, but it lacks depth and clarity. There should be a clearer development of relevant ideas, and a more precise focus on the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • indispensability
  • specialist knowledge
  • credentials
  • practical skills
  • networking opportunities
  • burden of student loans
  • immediate earning potential
  • digital economy
  • self-taught skills
  • lifelong learning
  • continuing professional development
  • academic qualifications
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