Many people argue that eating junk food has led to an unhealthy lifestyle. This problem has become more common among young people these days. Do you agree or disagree that junk food is the cause of the issue

#people #junk #food #lifestyle

It is often argued that consuming

junk

food is one of

major

Add an article

the major

show examples

causes of making

people

, especially younger ones stick to

unhealthy

Add an article

an unhealthy

show examples

lifestyle

Fix the agreement mistake

lifestyles

show examples

. I am firmly in favour of

this

notion and highlight what may trigger

this

matter in the following essay.

Firstly

, eating

junk

food without a limit seems to have tremendous effects on the health of humans. Since

junk

foods

, or rather sweets, fast

foods

, energy drinks and to name just a few contain high amounts of calories, sugar and fat,

thus

they may cause health-related issues

Change preposition

show examples

young

people

, like obesity, diabetes or maybe

heart

Add an article

a heart

show examples

attack.Even though their effect can not be noticed in the short-term period, the youth consuming

this kind

Fix the agreement mistake

these kinds

show examples

of products are likely to experience the influences in their later life.

In other words

, one of my uncles, who currently

suffers

Change the verb form

suffer

show examples

from diabetes, regrets having consumed

junk

food excessively in his adolescence. We, as young

people

, can see how he struggles during old age.

Moreover

, lack of regular exercise is another major factor that deteriorates our well-being. As several employers offer jobs which include just sitting behind a desk,

answering

Correct word choice

and answering

show examples

calls,

may

Correct pronoun usage

which may

show examples

attract most young

people

, and

this

may lead to

sedentary

Add an article

a sedentary

show examples

lifestyle

. By the way, very little movement during the day can slow down

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

blood circulation,

breathing

Correct word choice

and breathing

show examples

rates,

consequently

Add a comma

,consequently

show examples

young

people

have a tendency to lead an unhealthy

lifestyle

. From my own experience, I started to work as a bank clerk requiring inactivity about a month ago, and

Change preposition

after

show examples

a while I noticed that I gained noticeable weight, which made me go up the stairs or walk long distances with much effort. In conclusion, having said that not only consuming

junk

foods

in an improper way

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

insufficient mobility and exercise might have negative impacts on our healthy

lifestyle

Thus

, young

people

ought to avoid

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

having those

foods

as well as stay active

regular

Change the word

regularly

show examples

so that they are able to maintain their health.

Submitted by jefnesbit on Wed Dec 14 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

323 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

dietary habits
self-control
advertising
appealing
convenience culture
fast food
obesity rates
nutritional education
affordability
psychological effects
well-being

What to do next:

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Many people argue that eating junk food has led to an unhealthy lifestyle. This problem has become more common among young people these days. Do you agree or disagree that junk food is the cause of the issue

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that planting trees in open spaces in cities and towns is more important than building houses. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many efforts have been made by countries to address challenges concerning the environment but the situation has not improved. What are the possible reasons for environmental degradation? Are there any solutions to combat this problem? Support your answer with specific reasons and examples.

Some people opine that large outdoor public buildings should be built in cities and towns. Do you agree or disagree?

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some individuals argue that children should always heed the advice given by their parents, while others believe that children should make decisions independently. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.