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Band 5.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money, government must investment this money in public services. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theater #waste #money #services
All contemporary governments have a wide range of needs from their population to cover with their annual incomes. Economically,
this
 means wasting
money
in
Change preposition
on
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 certain items, which can be publicly defined as "strategic" at some point. In my opinion, investing in
arts
,
such
 as
music
 and
theater
Change the spelling
theatre
show examples
 is not a waste of
money
 in terms of government investment.
Arts
 and
music
 can really
alliviate
Correct your spelling
alleviate
people
's bad emotions or solitude in
globalyzed
Correct your spelling
globalized
 societies. It has been scientifically
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
how
Correct word choice
that
show examples
music
 positively impacts our mental health.
For example
, during the pandemic, it was very clear that a lot of
people
 invested in subscribing to certain media like Netflix or Disney Plus, in order to stay calm and have funnier activities to do, due to
quarrantines
Correct your spelling
quarantines
quarantine
. Even in normal times, art and
music
 can be crucial in terms of democracy, because it helps to keep open the main debate on central aspects of every particular nation.
However
, there are some
people
 that
thinks
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think
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 that investing in
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of matters can be a total waste of
money
,
specially
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especially
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 during hard times or national crisis.
This
 is indeed reasonable
,
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apply
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 if we look at the public services and how
them
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 tend to be very affected
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of scenarios. Along with that, the main national budget is variable and has a lot of things to cover. Every government needs to have a sense of priorities in terms of its economic performance.
Nevertheless
,
arts
 and
music
 can relieve
people
's distress, even more in the midst of these crisis moments, so I think that investing in them could be something good even for workers of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public services. In conclusion, I would like to say that spending more
money
in
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on
show examples
 promoting
Arts
 and
Music
 can have a very positive impact on the population, so
I'm convince
Change the verb form
I'm convinced
show examples
 that it is a good policy that governments keep investing in that.
Submitted by cgodoypichon on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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