IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the developed world avarage life expectancy is increasing in modern life. Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging-population. What problem will this causefor individuals and society.

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Modern nations have advanced due to enhanced technologies and because of
this
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, life expectancy has amplified and people are experiencing
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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longer life.
However
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,
due to
Change preposition
apply
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sudden
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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 in
life
Add an article
the life
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 cycle of human beings,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has drastically affected countries'
Use synonyms
population
Fix the agreement mistake
populations
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.
Therefore
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,
Government
Use synonyms
 should implement
such
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 actions to tackle
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 in order to manage everything smoothly.
Otherwise
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, those days won't be long
when
Correct word choice
before
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 citizens’ will not have places to live.
To begin
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 with,
Government
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 should execute
such
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 steps which would decrease the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
Use synonyms
. The
first
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 and foremost measure the
Government
Use synonyms
 could implement is to minimise the birth of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children in a family or in simple words, to educate the young generation about family planning
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
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.
Further
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, officials can inform their community about
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 impacts would have because of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
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population
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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,
Government
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 can levy
Add an article
a tax
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tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
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of
Change preposition
on
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 using
expensive
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an expensive
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 treatment which could permit
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals to live longer.
However
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, if the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 won’t
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dealt with,
then
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 there would be serious consequences. One of the biggest concerns would be unemployment.
Further
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, if people would live longer,
then
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, old workers won’t leave their jobs and youngster will not get
opportunity
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the opportunity
an opportunity
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 to do the job.
In addition
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, there would be
increase
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an increase
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 in
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
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 and supply of food products which could hamper the economy of the country.
Lastly
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, people who are seeking
new
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a new
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home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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 for their families wouldn’t be able to afford housing due to
non availability
Add a hyphen
non-availability
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 of land. To summarise, to address
such
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 issues,
Government
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 can play
paramount
Add an article
a paramount
the paramount
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 role to control
Add an article
the aging
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aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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population
Use synonyms
 by implementing
such
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 policies by spreading awareness about family planning or tax on treatments.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • aging population
  • life expectancy
  • demographic scale
  • geriatric care
  • telemedicine
  • retirement age policies
  • age-friendly
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • long-term care
  • pension systems
  • economic challenges
  • social isolation
  • public infrastructure
  • adaptive measures
What to do next:
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