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Writing Samples /
Band 5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The increase in mobile phone use in recent years has transformed the way we live, communicate and do business. Mobile phones can also be the cause of social or medical problems. What forms do these problems take? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of mobile phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#minutes #topic #phone #years #business #phones #forms
Smartphone
Add an article
The smartphone
A smartphone
show examples
 is the simplest mode of connecting with family, friends, and consumers too. Due to
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technologies, mobile engineers had made it possible for people to get in touch with loved ones and clients through cell
phones
. Because of
this
, there is
drastic
Add an article
a drastic
the drastic
show examples
 change in
demand
Correct article usage
the demand
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
phones
.
However
, there are detrimental effects of possessing mobile
phones
. These concerns could cause
financially
Change the word
financial
show examples
 and
physically
Change the word
physical
show examples
 to the community. Undoubtedly, having a phone could be advantageous for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people, but there are some demerits of using
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 constantly.
To begin
 with, in old days, it was very hard to communicate with family and clients, since Smartphones have
substitute
Change the verb form
substituted
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
postcards and
landlines
Change the noun form
landline
show examples
phones
, it has become convenient to be in touch by just using
such
 technology. Tradespersons can easily promote their products by using social media on smartphones.
Moreover
, because of innovative electronic products, it is easy to know about other
countries
Change noun form
countries'
country's
show examples
 news.
Conversely
,
above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
show examples
 merit points have sourced various concerns which are not beneficial for everyone. Nowadays, women do not socialize with their pioneers as these ladies usually communicate through social media sites.
Therefore
, they are living
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
show examples
life
. At
this
 moment,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation
hesitate
Change the verb form
hesitates
show examples
 to take part in physical activities,
instead
, they play video games on
phones
.
Thus
,
this
 inactive
life
 is causing fitness problems. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, one of my nephews usually stays on mobile so as to play video games and he didn’t show any interest in outdoor games
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
because of
this
, he has become unfit in his
life
. To summarise
this
 essay, there is no doubt mobile
phones
 have made
life
 easy for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people who want to keep in touch with their loved ones.
Although
 there are some disadvantageous
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using smartphones which have made inactive
life
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals.
Submitted by mkmoneypreet02 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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