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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. What the possible causes of this trend, and what solutions would be effective reducing crime?

#crime #countries #world #people #trend
Crime
 seems to be rising in many states within the world, particularly among teens. I believe there are three problems associated with it, but
also
 three solutions we can notice. Perhaps the largest problem might be
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of morality, which means a criminal educated insufficient way in childhood.
For instance
, in Japan, its society focus on how to
educated child being
Wrong verb form
educate children to be
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal person that’s why
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
 rate is almost zero
present
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
especially murder, assault,
stealing
Correct word choice
and stealing
show examples
. A second issue is limited opportunity with education which
associated
Add a missing verb
is associated
show examples
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 financial condition or might be their parents. Students appear to be
dropped
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
 out
school
Change preposition
of school
show examples
 to gain some money, to provide
himself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
or
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
herself
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 basic human needs. A third factor is that some countries’
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 are soft on punishing young people seems to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
abet criminal intention.
For instance
, the
addictive
Replace the word
addicted
show examples
 adolescent stabbed the victim’s neck in Dublin as he
knows
Wrong verb form
knew
show examples
 that he would not have been put
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in jail. Turning to possible solutions,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 government should allot money to improve
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 standard of
teacher’s
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers’
show examples
 circumstances, in
consequence
Add a comma
consequence,
show examples
 teachers would be obsessive with their performances.
Secondly
, primary education to
bachelor
Change noun form
bachelor's
show examples
 degree education should be without charge for everybody so that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will have
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
a possibility
show examples
 to live in
Correct article usage
a
show examples
society far
way
Correct your spelling
away
show examples
 from
crime
. Ultimately, it needs to have
deterrent
Correct article usage
a deterrent
show examples
not
Change preposition
to not
show examples
 committing
crime
 as changing the legislation in some countries.
Overall
, the problems are
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
both
Change preposition
by both
show examples
financial
Replace the word
finances
show examples
 and society, and the solutions should involve action from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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