With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers

Nowadays, there are more and more elderly

people

who need medical management due to the development of the

health

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

care

system. In my opinion, society has difficulties dealing with a number of elderly

people

This

is because the healthcare industry

face

Change the verb form

faces

show examples

loss of employment and

the

Correct article usage

show examples

tough situation in the workplace. In the beginning, healthcare industries are struggling with recruiting and

remaining

Correct your spelling

retaining

show examples

workers these days. In terms of recruiting, it is believed that healthcare production is so tough to work in.

This

negative influence affects young generations not to join

this

business.

Also

this

production is in a difficult situation for the remaining

employees

. In general, many women are working for caring for senior citizens.

Thus

, if they get to rest for taking

care

of babies, so many women would quit their jobs. It is hard for the

health

Correct your spelling

healthcare

show examples

care

industry to recruit and maintain

employees

Moreover

, there are so many duties

which

Correct word choice

that

show examples

employees

are unable to handle in the workplace. Generally, one person has to take

care

of some elderly

people

, but they need to finish many duties in a day.

For instance

, elderly

people

need to eat three meals

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Moreover

, they need some help with taking showers and using

toilets

Correct article usage

the toilets

show examples

. As it is clear,

employees

should do anything around them. In conclusion, so many elderly

people

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

to be taken

care

of in

this

society because today's health

care

improves rapidly. In that situation, it is hard to handle

these

Correct determiner usage

this

show examples

increased

elderly

Correct quantifier usage

number of elderly

show examples

people

due to the fact that there are few workers and many duties.

Submitted by daichi.n.001125 on Fri Dec 16 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some expert believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondry school.do the advantages of this outweight the disadvantage?

what should we do to protect the environment?What are the solutions for this?

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Some people feel that the design of newly constructed buildings in big cities should be controlled by governments. Others believe those who finance the construction of a building should be free to design it as they see fit.