IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree?

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It is argued that in some nations many men and women develop diseases due to overconsumption of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
. It is important for regulatory bodies to implement
this
Linking Words
 duty on the specific type of commodity. I,
therefore
Linking Words
, believe
this
Linking Words
 essay agrees with that statement because these specific illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as obesity and diabetes
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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health
Use synonyms
 services too much money and a tax on junk
food
Use synonyms
 would encourage people to
improved
Wrong verb form
improve
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Use synonyms
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
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. Nowadays, obesity and diabetes
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the mother of all diseases from uncontrolled eating of fatty and sugary
food
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 type of
food
Use synonyms
 is readily
accesible
Correct your spelling
accessible
 to consumers with a lot to choose
with
Change preposition
from
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 for its affordable price.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the government would
imposed
Change the verb form
impose
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 higher taxes on
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 unhealthy commodities it could reduce the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of citizens patronizing
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
these
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commercialise
Wrong verb form
commercialised
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Add an article
the product
a product
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product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 and the result would be a healthier nation.
For example
Linking Words
, evidence shows that a tax on sugary drinks that rises prices by 20% can lead to a reduction in consumption of around 20%,
thus
Linking Words
 preventing obesity and diabetes. Overconsumption of unhealthy
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
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 leads to get high
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
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 of getting sick and
therefore
Linking Words
 increase visits
in
Change preposition
to
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health
Use synonyms
 facilities.
In addition
Linking Words
, if large numbers of
population
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the population
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 seek treatment
on
Change preposition
for
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Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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specific
Change the adjective
specifically
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 related diseases it could cause strain on the government budget.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if the state
implement
Change the verb form
implements
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 more taxes on these products, consumers tend to refrain from buying
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and opting to take better
food
Use synonyms
 options
thus
Linking Words
 preventing serious
health
Use synonyms
 issues.
For instance
Linking Words
, Philippines, the previous administration increases tariffs on fatty and sugary goods.
This
Linking Words
 strategy resulted
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 decline
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of junk
Use synonyms
food related
Add a hyphen
food-related
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ilnesses
Correct your spelling
illnesses
illness
 visits to the
health
Use synonyms
 facilities which reduced the burden
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the overall organizational finances. In conclusion, states should enact
Add an article
a provision
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provision
Fix the agreement mistake
provisions
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 to increase taxes on unhealthy commodities
people
Correct word choice
so people
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 will not
be tempt
Change the verb form
be tempted
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 to purchase
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. As a
results
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result
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 majority will live longer and public funds will be allocated for
onother
Correct your spelling
other
 more important issues.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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