IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a well-known fact that
consumption
Use synonyms
 of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
 can have detrimental effects towards an individual’s health and can
further
Linking Words
 impact society. Many argue that one possible solution to
this
Linking Words
 issue could be the imposition of
taxes
Use synonyms
 by the government on
such
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 another school of thought believe that
this
Linking Words
 is not an effective solution.
This
Linking Words
 essay outlines both these views and agrees that it is beneficial to tax unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
. The primary reason to support the taxation of fast
food
Use synonyms
 could be the increase in the incidence of chronic diseases upon their
consumption
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
 have high fat and sugar content and regular
consumption
Use synonyms
 of
such
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 is linked to the development of chronic illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and hypertension
hence
Linking Words
 decreasing the quality of life.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can negatively affect the community as the
consumption
Use synonyms
 of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 leads to an unhealthy population and workforce.
As a result
Linking Words
,the effectiveness and quality of work is decreased.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the introduction of
taxes
Use synonyms
 on these
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
 can be advantageous.
For example
Linking Words
, the sugar tax imposed on the manufacture of soft drinks in many countries has resulted in the reduction of their purchase.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, it can be unfair to enforce
taxes
Use synonyms
 on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 could be
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that for some individuals, fast
food
Use synonyms
 is more affordable than their healthy counterparts.
Thus
Linking Words
, the
taxes
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 source would increase the costs and be cruel to them.
Additionally
Linking Words
, increased
taxes
Use synonyms
 would result in the collapse of the fast
food
Use synonyms
 industry. These companies contribute to the country’s economy and a sudden decline in the purchase of fast
food
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the imposition of
taxes
Use synonyms
 could result in financial instability and negatively affect the community. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the enforcement of
taxes
Use synonyms
 on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 is not necessary as it could be detrimental to certain people and companies, in my opinion,
taxes
Use synonyms
 have to be introduced on
such
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
items
Use synonyms
 to discourage people from buying them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, money made from
this
Linking Words
 kind of taxation could be used to educate the public on the benefits of a balanced diet and introduce subsidies for healthy
food
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To further improve your task response, ensure that your argument is more balanced, offering equal weight to both sides of the discussion before establishing your opinion. Additionally, consider addressing potential counter-arguments to strengthen your position.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, work on smoother transitions between points. For example, use phrases like 'In addition to this,' or 'On the other hand,' to guide the reader through your argument more clearly. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
task response
You have provided a clear and complete response to the task, covering both perspectives thoroughly and offering your own opinion effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay features both an introduction and a conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion. The main points you presented are well-supported and clearly articulated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: