IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Crime appears to be rising in most countries in the world, especially among young people. What the possible causes of this trend, and what solutions would be effective reducing crime?

#crime #countries #world #people #trend
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is widely known that
crime
Use synonyms
 done by young people is increasing
most
Change preposition
in most
show examples
 parts of the world. The origin of
this
Linking Words
 situation
stem
Change the verb form
stems
show examples
 from 3 factors,
while
Linking Words
 several solutions can solve the problem.
Major
Correct article usage
A major
show examples
 factor can be
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
poverty that teenagers are not able to afford what they want
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. So
this
Linking Words
 will lead them to think
how
Change preposition
about how
show examples
 to earn money easily in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
 period
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon
result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
 in major crimes which
includes
Change the verb form
include
show examples
 theft and burglary and
cause
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
 harm to someone innocent. Another cause is bad
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 that has already possessed them. Youngster’s first society is their family which means their parents are the role models for their children and responsible for their actions. It is obvious that childhood
surrounding
Replace the word
surroundings
show examples
 has a huge impact on whether they will be a good citizen or not. A third factor is
overuse
Correct article usage
the overuse
show examples
 of social media and
fear
Correct article usage
the fear
show examples
 of
miss
Change the verb form
missing
show examples
 out which is the hardest problem
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
facing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Adolescent tends to copy each other and do things they underestimate the consequence. Turning to
possible
Add an article
the possible
a possible
show examples
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
,
initial
Add an article
the initial
show examples
 step would be to support young people to do
part-time
Add an article
a part-time
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and earn
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
enough income on their own. And second solution could be to introduce parents as well as
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
Change preposition
to
show examples
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 punishments
Change preposition
for
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as theft and burglary. If we took
this
Linking Words
 step, it would reduce the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate and most importantly parents would try to behave differently in of their children, because
fear
Change preposition
of fear
show examples
 of their children committing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 and
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to jail.
Finally
Linking Words
, teenagers should cut down total hours that spending on social media and try not to
persuade
Wrong verb form
be persuaded
show examples
 by other’s bad
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
 which can lead
unexpected
Change preposition
to unexpected
show examples
Use synonyms
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 or wrong actions. In summary, the factors of society and other people’s impact
appears
Change the verb form
appear
show examples
 to be
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 causes. So help of
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of people, all the
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mentions
Wrong verb form
mentioned
show examples
 in the essay could be done.
Submitted by alexstudyin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: