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Writing Samples
Band 5

There are many different types of music in the world today . Why do we need Music? IS the traditional music of a country more than International music that is heard everywhere nowadays.

#music #world #country
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Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, as we all know that
music
Use synonyms
 is an instrument
emotion
Change preposition
of emotion
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 and beauty
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
everyone
Change noun form
everyone's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. So all humankind
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
music
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I'm going to elaborate
why
Change preposition
on why
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 need
music
Use synonyms
 and talk about traditional and international
music
Use synonyms
 in society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I would like to say that
music
Use synonyms
 is the most powerful enjoyment that everybody
deserve
Change the verb form
deserves
show examples
 to listen
.
Change preposition
to.
show examples
First
Linking Words
 of all,
people
Use synonyms
 need
music
Use synonyms
 because it can help them to get back together just to listen to some melody,
moreover
Linking Words
, it can help to cure some
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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such
Linking Words
 as
diabetic
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diabetes
show examples
, and some
paine
Correct your spelling
pain
 that we face sometimes. in
addiction
Correct your spelling
addition
show examples
 to that listening to a song help student be more
focus
Replace the word
focused
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 on
they
Correct pronoun usage
what they
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are study
Change the verb form
are studying
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 while preparing
exam
Change preposition
for exam
show examples
,
for
Linking Words
instance
Add the comma(s)
,instance
show examples
 90% of my English
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I learned
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
through
music
Use synonyms
, according to Adele
music
Use synonyms
 is
life
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, all the world
know
Correct subject-verb agreement
knows
show examples
 that traditional tones talk always about culture in decades
people
Use synonyms
where
Replace the word
were
show examples
 listening to it
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 when you want to learn more about your country some traditional
music
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 made up for that. On top of that ,
international
Add an article
the international
show examples
 song is made up to change
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
, that
why
Add a missing verb
is why
show examples
 it
is hear
Change the verb form
is heard
show examples
 everywhere it is
Correct article usage
a know
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know
Correct your spelling
now
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 part of our routine
life
Use synonyms
,
obviously
Add a comma
,obviously
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 make sense for the future,
for example
Linking Words
 , Soul Bance has always
sing
Change the verb form
sung
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
song
that is
Linking Words
 true. To conclude,
music
Use synonyms
 is the most beautiful thing
that is
Linking Words
 Changing
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
life
Use synonyms
,
mostly
Replace the word
most
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who wanted to give up on they are
goal
Add an article
the goal
show examples
 but
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
listening to
music
Use synonyms
 help them to stand up and
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 continue to
fight
Add the particle
tofight
show examples
buy
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 making things better, and
music
Use synonyms
 bring
memory
Add an article
the memory
a memory
show examples
 back. It can connect
people
Use synonyms
 together all over the world.
Submitted by singmahesh on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
What to do next:
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