IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people say that it is possible for a country to be both economically successful and have a clean environment. Others disagree. Discuss both view and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #country #environment
Many people demonstrate that not only scientists but
also
 the governments in charge of implementing the experiments. I totally agree with that point of view .
Initially
, scientific research plays an important role in life and boosts all the
aespects
Correct your spelling
aspects
 of the government
such
 as
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and politic
show examples
politic
Correct your spelling
politics
show examples
…. Owing to the fact that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they require that all of them should be carried out by the supervising of the authorities.
For instance
,
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
, the beauty industry
rises
Wrong verb form
is rising
show examples
 dramatically in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 market, so all the make-up products are munufactured by
researching
Replace the word
research
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
animals
before
Rephrase
apply
show examples
.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, animals are used to be the species for biomedical experimentations barbarously to find out methods for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. They become
preys
Fix the agreement mistake
prey
show examples
 which people want to hunt for their own
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
According to
this
, if all of the fact-finding
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 in control of the
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
, we can diminish the quantity of using them as a genetic model of the human.
On the other hand
, the research by private entities isn’t guaranteed to make
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 experiment. They don’t have enough
fund
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funds
show examples
 to invest their own material facilities.
As a result
 of that, a lot of citizens don’t expect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
private
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 can do the research by themselves.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illegal
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
expriments
Correct your spelling
experiments
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big problem which
affect
Change the verb form
affects
show examples
 not only society in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 but
also
 the world.
For example
, some private companies can catch the chance to create weapons and supply
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 the military, it will be a tragic ending for the human. In conclusion, I agree with the notion of supervising by
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 in order to limit all the bad situations
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 happen to our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by thuylqd76 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay lacks clear discussion of both views and does not quite give a balanced opinion. The ideas presented are ambiguous and need to be clearly articulated.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay lacks a clear logical structure and the introduction and conclusion are underdeveloped. The use of examples is limited and does not effectively support the main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economically successful
  • Clean environment
  • Sustainable practices
  • Green technologies
  • Eco-tourism
  • Healthier workforce
  • Healthcare costs
  • Short-term economic growth
  • Profit over environment
  • Heavy industries
  • Developing countries
  • Sacrifice
  • Economic development
  • Transitioning
  • Balance
  • Sustainable development
  • International cooperation
  • Incentivize
  • Eco-friendly business practices
  • Investment in education
What to do next:
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