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Band 5.5

The tradition of families getting together to eat meals is disappearing. What are the reasons? What are the impacts?

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With the passage of time, the trend of family unions for meals is declining.There are various factors responsible for
this
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 phenomenon.
This
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 essay will dilate upon its main causes including the busy work schedule and the
world-wide
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worldwide
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 inflation and will
also
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 highlight some of its consequences mainly social isolation, anxiety and loss of cultural values.
To begin
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 with, the decline in
get-together
Fix the agreement mistake
get-togethers
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 of relatives is attributable largely to the hectic nature of jobs.Most of
workers
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the workers
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 go early in the morning and come back home late in the evening.If a person remains busy for the whole day, it is not possible for him to find
energy
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the energy
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 to arrange dinners for close contacts.
For instance
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, I have to go to
hospital
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the hospital
a hospital
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 in the morning and evening to do ward rounds and deal with emergencies with additional on-call duties on weekends.
The
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In the
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 little leisure time I have in the afternoon, I tend to take rest to recoup my stamina for work.
Moreover
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, the rising cost of products has
also
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 made it difficult to organize huge gatherings.To illustrate, the salary of an average person in Pakistan is barely sufficient to meet the monthly demands of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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immediate relatives,
what
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apply
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to talk
of
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about
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 arranging festivals for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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extended family members.
However
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,
this
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 trend has its own repercussions.
Firstly
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,
this
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 leads to a feeling of loneliness in the individuals.
This
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 is because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of interaction with other relatives which has adverse
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mental health.By interacting with people , one can share
the
Change the word
their
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 worries and
also
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 spend some lighter moments which helps them feel relaxed.
In addition
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, by living in our own world, we are fast losing the traditional values of our ancestors.Our next generation will not have a chance to learn the old customs which may ultimately lead to the disappearance of cultural norms. In conclusion, the lack of family get-togethers is because of
Add an article
the
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busy routine of the working class and the financial hardships.
This
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 tendency
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however
Add the comma(s)
, however
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, may result in
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of bondage and frustration among people
along with
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fading
Correct article usage
the fading
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 of customs of the society.

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph clearly supports the main argument. While examples were used, additional specific examples or statistics could enhance the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structure and using more advanced vocabulary to improve coherence and cohesion. Additionally, pay attention to minor grammatical and punctuation details for a polished finish.
structure
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
ideas
The ideas presented are relevant and cover the main aspects of the topic effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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