Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#live #performance #play #concert #event #television

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There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the fact that it is more amusing to participate in live

events

such

as a play, concert, or sporting EVENT than watching

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

the same thing on

television

. In my opinion, I partially disagree with

this

notion. Without a shadow of a doubt, Live performances are more entertaining to some groups of

people

than recorded live ones.

Firstly

, these

events

attract enthusiastic crowds who want a sense of belonging. During sporting

events

or concerts

such

Born

Correct article usage

the Born

show examples

pink

Capitalize word

Pink

show examples

World Tour of Black Pink,

people

might participate in collective chants and dances, thrilling the enthusiastic crowd.

Additionally

, attending live

events

enables fans to speak with musicians or athletes directly.

Moreover

, interacting with their idols in person, which is a much more delightful experience, is superior to doing it on a TV screen.

On the other hand

, some

people

find it more entertaining to watch the same

events

television

First,

for those who want complete control over the environment, watching a concert on

television

is perfect. More accurately, spectators at live

events

are usually confined to a certain seat,

whereas

at home, viewers can reposition the

television

or seat to suit their preferences.

Furthermore

television

viewers are less irritated by interruptions than they are in live.

For example

people

who just want to focus on the performance should avoid attending live

events

because the

clamor

Change the spelling

clamour

show examples

from enthusiastic fans might easily distract them and make their experience less enjoyable.

Hence

, watching

through

Change preposition

apply

show examples

television

is more recreational. In conclusion, I do not consider myself an advocate of

this

argument that it is more pleasant to attend a live performance than to watch the same thing on

television

, since different audiences may find different circumstances more entertaining.

Submitted by hominhtrang995 on Fri Feb 23 2024

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Introduction Clarity

Ensure your introduction clearly states your position. While you've presented a balanced view, specifying your stance more clearly could enhance the reader's understanding.

Transitional Phrases

To boost coherence, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using linking phrases can help weave your ideas more seamlessly together.

Sentence Variety

Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures to enrich your essay's readability and engagement. This will also showcase your linguistic capability.

Specific Examples

Integrate more specific examples to support your arguments. While you've included examples, further detail can add depth and strengthen your points.

Balanced Argumentation

You provided a balanced discussion on both views which enriches the essay's comprehensiveness.

Introduction & Conclusion

Introduction and conclusion are present and generally clear, setting the stage and closing your argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

immersive experience
replicated
energy
atmosphere
sense of community
shared excitement
unforgettable
predictable
convenience
comfort
crowds
travel
multiple camera angles
close-ups
replays
enhancing

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Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

it is often considered that change is more beneficial to people than trying to avoid it and have everything remain the same. Do you think the advantages of change outweigh the disadvantages?

Some believe that charitable organisations should help people no matter where they live. Others argue that charities should only help those living in the country where the charity is based. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The crime rate among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions.

Individuals reside in a culture of use-and-throw, utilising things briefly and then disposing of them. This essay will explore what are the causes of this practice and what issues it leads to.