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Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#live #performance #play #concert #event #television
There is a controversial perspective heating a debate over the fact that it is more amusing to participate in live
events
such
 as a play, concert, or sporting EVENT than watching
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the same thing on
television
. In my opinion, I partially disagree with
this
 notion. Without a shadow of a doubt, Live performances are more entertaining to some groups of
people
 than recorded live ones.
Firstly
, these
events
 attract enthusiastic crowds who want a sense of belonging. During sporting
events
 or concerts
such
 as
Born
Correct article usage
the Born
show examples
pink
Capitalize word
Pink
show examples
 World Tour of Black Pink,
people
 might participate in collective chants and dances, thrilling the enthusiastic crowd.
Additionally
, attending live
events
 enables fans to speak with musicians or athletes directly.
Moreover
, interacting with their idols in person, which is a much more delightful experience, is superior to doing it on a TV screen.
On the other hand
, some
people
 find it more entertaining to watch the same
events
 on
television
.
First,
for those who want complete control over the environment, watching a concert on
television
 is perfect. More accurately, spectators at live
events
 are usually confined to a certain seat,
whereas
 at home, viewers can reposition the
television
 or seat to suit their preferences.
Furthermore
,
television
 viewers are less irritated by interruptions than they are in live.
For example
,
people
 who just want to focus on the performance should avoid attending live
events
 because the
clamor
Change the spelling
clamour
show examples
 from enthusiastic fans might easily distract them and make their experience less enjoyable.
Hence
, watching
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
television
 is more recreational. In conclusion, I do not consider myself an advocate of
this
 argument that it is more pleasant to attend a live performance than to watch the same thing on
television
, since different audiences may find different circumstances more entertaining.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Introduction Clarity
Ensure your introduction clearly states your position. While you've presented a balanced view, specifying your stance more clearly could enhance the reader's understanding.
Transitional Phrases
To boost coherence, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs. Using linking phrases can help weave your ideas more seamlessly together.
Sentence Variety
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures to enrich your essay's readability and engagement. This will also showcase your linguistic capability.
Specific Examples
Integrate more specific examples to support your arguments. While you've included examples, further detail can add depth and strengthen your points.
Balanced Argumentation
You provided a balanced discussion on both views which enriches the essay's comprehensiveness.
Introduction & Conclusion
Introduction and conclusion are present and generally clear, setting the stage and closing your argument effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive experience
  • replicated
  • energy
  • atmosphere
  • sense of community
  • shared excitement
  • unforgettable
  • predictable
  • convenience
  • comfort
  • crowds
  • travel
  • multiple camera angles
  • close-ups
  • replays
  • enhancing
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