IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Write about the following topic. More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.

#topic #people #car #transportation #over-reliance #cars
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As J. Robert Oppenheimer once said, “in material
science
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, these are and have been, and are most surely likely to continue to be heroic days.” Every day we are witnessing our daily progress in different
areas
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 from augmented reality to the James Webb telescope. Material
science
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 has the main role in
this
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 raising improvement since all other
areas
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 have to consider material-related conservation in order to make the innovation happen;
however
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, my
country
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, Iran is not progressing as it should be. I choose to study material
science
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 and engineering as my major in
university
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 because I had a great passion for Formula 1 as a kid, and I used to dream about becoming a Formula 1 engineer. I have realized the remarkable progress in
this
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 area due to the evolution of material
science
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 over time.
However
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, Formula 1 was not the only field that was affected by the progress of material.
In addition
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, my
country
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 has many serious issues in industrial
areas
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such
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 as the car industry as well which are more crucial for me. After completing high school with a score of 19.77 from 20, I ranked 3343th among more than 300,000 participants in the nationwide
university
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 entrance exam.
Consequently
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, I was accepted to study material
science
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 and engineering at the
University
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 of Tehran which is regarded as the most prestigious
university
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 in our
country
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.
Furthermore
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, the
University
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 of Tehran is one of the greatest education institutes in Iran in engineering fields with a rank of 70th, and the material department with a rank of 126th according to the NTU ranking in 2021. My main goal to choose the
University
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 of Drexel to
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 in is due to its rich background in mechanical engineering, especially fracture and fatigue, material characterization and advanced manufacturing. I am looking forward to getting a research assistant position at the
university
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 of Drexel because I wish to publish more specific papers in material
science
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 in these related
areas
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. To commence
with
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apply
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, I have worked in the hot deformation and thermomechanical processing laboratory as a research assistant for 2 years and I was fortunate to be educated in fatigue and additive manufacturing studies especially due to my well-educated graduate colleagues.
Moreover
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, I have worked with various machines
such
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 as tensile
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
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, friction stir processing, and wire cut machines, and I have compatible knowledge of advanced characterizations
such
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 as EBSD and TEM. After 2 years of investigating, I submitted my
first
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 ISI paper “The Effect Of Heat Treatments On The Room And
High Temperature
Add a hyphen
High-Temperature
show examples
 Mechanical Properties Of Alsi10mg Alloy Fabricated By Selective Laser Melting” in the journal of material research and technology with an impact factor of 6.2.
Therefore
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, I find myself qualified for the
Ph.D.
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PhD
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 program of the mechanical department of
this
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university
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.
Additionally
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, I have plans to establish a private hi-tech company in my
country
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 after my graduation in order to gather qualified scientists to overcome industrial issues related to the material
science
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 of our homeland.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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