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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Every country should have a free health service, even if this means that the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#country #health #service #treatments
Access to
healthcare
 constitutes one of the fundamental parts of every nation.
Therefore
, the majority of
people
 think, that every country should provide free medical
treatments
 even if it means that expensive surgeries would not be covered. I completely disagree with
this
 standpoint and
this
 essay will discuss the reasons behind my opinion.
First
 of all,
people
 should be able to afford medical
treatments
 of any complexity and
financed
Add a missing verb
be financed
show examples
 by a
healthcare
 fund. Every employed
individuals
Change to a singular noun
individual
show examples
 above 18 in our country are considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a taxpayers
Correct the article-noun agreement
taxpayers
a taxpayer
show examples
 and
this
 payment includes health services,
besides
 that big companies
also
 allocate their money on behalf of their employees.
This
 system currently works out excellently for the majority of
people
. They can undergo required medical
check ups
Add a hyphen
check-ups
show examples
 and be provided with all necessary
treatments
,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 if a patient has
special
Add an article
a special
show examples
 quota and his condition requires medical surgeries
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
eyes
Correct article usage
the eyes
show examples
, brain, ears or even cancer
then
 it would be free of charge in public hospitals. Another reason is that most medical
treatments
 are too expensive for
people
 to get.
People
 will not be able to enjoy their lives and get proper
remedy
Fix the agreement mistake
remedies
show examples
 at the same time due to lack of money, which in turn can cause nerve problems.
For instance
, the average salary in Kazakhstan is 670$ per month,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 cost of cancer treatment
procedure
Fix the agreement mistake
procedures
show examples
 like chemotherapy costs 330$ and up to 1100$. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I would like to say that the
healthcare
 system can be fee-based but should be affordable for everyone. Charging monthly a tiny amount of our income can help us or others have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional treatment and it is mostly lifesaving. If
healthcare
 would not give quotas for surgeries, the majority of
people
 would not be able to afford those expenses.
Submitted by Allazhar on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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