IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

While some people think that art is an important subject for children to study, others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #art #children #study #waste #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The importance of
art
Use synonyms
 is frequently discussed. Some people consider it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
an essential
subject
Use synonyms
 of the school,
however
Linking Words
, others think
as
Correct pronoun usage
it as
show examples
 a non-valuable topic. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why I believe
art
Use synonyms
 is an important
subject
Use synonyms
 for
students
Use synonyms
. In modern days, STEM subjects are more prioritised than ever before.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 high ability
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology and engineering can let
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 gain better, stable and well-paid jobs in the future. Even a country prioritise science and math field
Change preposition
over than
show examples
than
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
 sector.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a lot of opportunity to gain
scholarship
Fix the agreement mistake
scholarships
show examples
 sponsored by
Add an article
the government
show examples
government related
Add a hyphen
government-related
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 science, technology or
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 field but much less chance related
Use synonyms
art
Change preposition
to art
show examples
 subjects.
However
Linking Words
,
art
Use synonyms
 is a meaningful
subject
Use synonyms
 to develop
students
Use synonyms
' expression, flexibility and ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
sympathy
Replace the word
sympathise
show examples
. In terms of museums, visitors are keen to imagine the painter's feelings, the backgrounds and the purposes.
This
Linking Words
 attitude can expand people's imagination and
also
Linking Words
 develop their sympathy. The ability to sympathise is definitely needed in the business field or any other situation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, studying
art
Use synonyms
Change preposition
at in
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 early age is vital for all
students
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I agree that
art
Use synonyms
 is not the strongest skill in modern society,
however
Linking Words
, if people completely ignore
this
Linking Words
subject
Use synonyms
,
students
Use synonyms
 will lose opportunities to develop their expression and imagination.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe schools should prioritise a wide range of subjects, including
art
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by marisa.thewords on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: